


Going Under

by melancholydreadfuldream



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), Descent into Madness, Multi, Possible Character Death, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholydreadfuldream/pseuds/melancholydreadfuldream
Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?
Relationships: The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader, Thirteenth Doctor/Reader
Comments: 23
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?

_Trigger Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, dark!doctor, death, insanity, etc. You have been warned._

_More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this._

_A/N: Ok, this is going to be a very disastrous story and to tell the truth, I have no idea how to wrap it up in a pretty bow. For this particular story, I put the song Going Under by Evanescence on a loop to get in the mood hence the title. As usual, this story probably filled with lot of plot holes, but that is to be expected in my fanfiction. I’m very afraid to post this actually. It would be very me to ended up writing a bad fanfiction that no one care to read. I have finished part two, actually, but I will post it on queue. Ugh, I’m throwing myself into the usual circle of hell of wondering whether writing this worth it or whether this is trash. Wish me luck, guys!_

I fell to the ground after I was shot by that light beam. I thought I was a goner. From the concerned sounds of the Doctor and the fam, they thought the same.

It was our usual routine adventure that almost always followed by a crisis that only the Doctor can solved. This time, the crisis involved human experiments. The Doctor is righteously pissed at the perpetrators. And one of the scientists shot at the Doctor using his experimental weapon and I pushed her out of the way.

The Doctor and the fam fussed over me.

I felt pain and then nothing. I think I lose my consciousness for a bit. I woke up to the sound of sonic screwdriver insistently scanning me. I forced myself to open my eyes and saw the relieved faces of the Doctor and the fam. I groaned. “What happened?”

The Doctor and the fam shared a chuckle at my respond.

“Don’t ever do that again.” The Doctor said with a firm tone.

Seeing her serious expression, I sighed. Eventhough she would have done the same as me if she was in my position, the time lady doth protest too much, methinks. But I’m not in the mood to argue, so I replied, “I won’t.”

The Doctor gazed at me with indecipherable expression. “We should go back to the Tardis. I have to scan you some more. I don’t know what that weapon is, seem to malfunction, you are very lucky, (name). But just in case, I need to do more test on you.”

“Whatever you want, doc.”

“How are you feeling?” Yaz asked me as she helped me up.

“Like I was electrocuted? But…now I feel kind of okay.” I said.

“You scared all of us.” Ryan said.

“Sorry. But I’m fine, see?” I decided to do a dramatic spinning and I regretted it when I lost my balance.

The Doctor catches me before I fall. “Not so fine after all…” she murmured. She is surprisingly very strong.

“Okay, I might need a rest.” I admitted.

The Doctor made Yaz and Ryan led me back to the Tardis as she had to deal with the scientists.

7777

Yaz and Ryan took me to my room back inside the Tardis. I thanks them for their help before hugging one of my stuffed animals pillow on the bed and blissfully fell into a deep sleep.

I woke maybe a few hours later. The room is cold. I felt so uncomfortable as I forced myself to open my eyes. I was surprised to find myself on the floor in a very dark room. I reach around my pant for my smartphone and turned on the flashlight. I found the door and got out. I could hear the voices of the Doctor and the fam in the console room so I went over there.

“Guys, how did I ended up on the floor in some random room?” I asked loudly.

The Doctor and the fam froze as they saw me.

The Doctor quickly approached me and demanded in a very scary tone, “Who are you? How did you get on board of my Tardis?”

I was confused. “What do you mean?”

“We are inside the time vortex. How did you get here? And when did you even get in?”

I stared at her in confusion. “Doctor, what are you talking about?”

“Y-you know who I am?” The Doctor asked. She look at me in skeptical.

“Of course I do. Duh. We have been travelling together for a while.” I said. “Ryan, is this one of your prank? Did you get her to play along?”

Ryan look very confused. “Err, you know me?”

“Ok, this is not funny, guys.” I complained. “I’m so tired after our latest adventures. I mean, I did get shot. I’m really not in the mood for whatever prank this is.”

The Doctor and the fam exchanged a look at each other.

They were making me nervous now.

“We don’t know who you are.” It was Yaz who replied.

“That’s not funny, Yaz.” I said. “Just stop it, guys.”

“How did you know my fam? Who are you?” The Doctor demanded as she grabbed my wrist in warning.

“Doctor, you are hurting me. What is wrong with you?” I yelled angrily as I tried to pull my wrist free of her strong grip.

“Err, doc, I think we all need to calm down some.” Graham said.

The Doctor released me grudgingly.

I massaged my wrist. “Had I known you would act this way, I would let that scientist shot you.”

“What scientist?” The Doctor asked.

“You said you were shot? Where are you injured?” Yaz asked.

I sighed. “Are we still playing this? You are all there when he shot at the Doctor and I pushes her out of the way.” I glared at the Doctor. “Don’t worry, doc, I won’t shield you again next time.” I said sarcastically.

The Doctor pulled her sonic screwdriver and scanned me. “Human.”

“Of course, I am human! Guys, I’m so…” I trailed as I finally take a good long look at them and realized they really have no idea who I am. “You really have no idea who I am?”

The fam nodded in unison.

I could feel myself start to panic. “Oh God, is this the side effect of that shot? Did it makes you guys forgot all about me? I mean it was experimental weapon. And, doc, you promised to do a scan on me in the Tardis to see if there is any other…damages…”

“I don’t know who you are and what your plan is but if you are planning to…”

“I’m not! I am not the enemy, okay! Just chill!” I yelled at her when I noticed she is about to give me her oncoming storm rants. I quickly pulled my smartphone.

The Doctor raised her sonic screwdriver at me warningly.

“I have proof, okay?” I placated. I went through my phone and to the gallery. I showed them our many selfie group pictures. “Here.”

The Doctor grabbed my phone and took a few step back. The fam goes to see the pictures in disbelief.

“How is this possible?” Yaz asked the Doctor.

The Doctor observed the pictures and then she stared at me. “What is your name?”

“It’s (name). (name) (last name).” I replied weakly.

The Doctor nodded and went to the console, pushing some button. The monitor suddenly turned on and show information on me. While at it, the Doctor performed a scan on me via the Tardis. She also cloned my phone so that she can investigates the pictures. I think she suspected it was fake photoshop picture or something.

“Satisfied yet? I’m not lying, okay.”

The Doctor hummed. “We will see.”

I groaned in annoyance.

While the Doctor busy consulting with the Tardis, I sat on one of the stairs. I watched the Doctor and the fam stay far away from me and whispered really quiet. I sighed.

The Tardis suddenly bleeping loudly and the Doctor run around the console and then stopped in front of the monitor, reading the information provided by the sentient ship.

The Doctor look awed, her mouth dropped open. She turned to look at me.

“What is it?” I asked.

“According to this, you are from an alternate universe.” The Doctor replied. “But how did you even ended up here?”

“You are asking me? I have no idea. Last thing I remember is sleeping in my room at the Tardis and then I woke up here.” I said.

“Tell me exactly what happened before. You said that you were shot…by some scientist?” The Doctor asked.

So I told her exactly what happened.

7777

While The Doctor is busy figuring out what exactly happened to me, I sat alone at the kitchen’s Tardis. At least the way to the kitchen is still the same. I made myself a coffee and sat staring at my cup absentmindedly.

Ryan come in and sat with me for a while. He was curious about the other Ryan and asked me to tell stories about my own adventure back in my universe. 

I sighed. It seemed I have come to accept what is happening to me. I am indeed in twilight zone where I have never met the Doctor and the fam thus never boarded the Tardis. I was kind of sad so to distract my mind, I relented and tell him whatever he want to know.

Eventually Yaz joined us. We started talking about our respective adventures and about the Doctor. We got a laugh over the Doctor being pretty much the same in any universe. 

I don’t know how long we talked but I was grateful for them for easing my loneliness. I finally noticed the Doctor is standing leaning against the doorway, watching us. A small smile touched her lips as she watches us.

“Doctor.” I called out. “Did you find anything?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Unless we found the weapon they used on you, I can’t exactly figure it out.”

“So, we have to go to the place where the scientists are? Okay. Let’s go.” I said, eager to get this over with so I can go back to my Doctor and my friends. “I mean, I guess we should find your version of the scientists who did this to me, right? So that you can take a look at the weapon?”

The Doctor look impressed with me.

“Then what are waiting for?”

“Tomorrow.” The Doctor replied. “We are all tired. You look tired.”

I wanted to protest but she shushed me.

“Come on I will show you to your room.” The Doctor said.

7777

The Doctor left me in my new room. The room is just ordinary without any of personal touch. I felt the loneliness come back. I laid on the bed, trying to hold back my tears. I pulled my phone and swipe on the pictures of my Doctor and my fam. I hope to God that I could return back to them as soon as possible. “Please don’t let me be trapped here.” I whispered. I fell asleep soon after.

I woke up to the concerned voices of the Doctor and the fam. I opened my eyes in confusion. I wasn’t in my room. The Tardis med-bay, my mind supplied.

The Doctor and the fam looked at me with troubled expression. 

“Doctor? What happened?”

“You’re awake.”

“How did I get here? I was in my room.”

“The Doctor is checking on you and she found you in a seizure.” Yaz replied. “You really had all of us scared out of our mind.”

I smiled a little. I felt bad for intruding on them when they didn’t even know me. I frowned. I didn’t remember getting a seizure though. I looked up toward the Doctor. “Thank you for checking up on me. You saved me.”

“We are even then…” The Doctor said.

“Yeah.”

The Doctor gazed at me. “Do you feel any pain right now?”

“Not really, just really really tired.” I trailed. My eyes widened suddenly as I look at the Doctor. “we are even?”

The Doctor looked confused. “Yeah, you did saved me first, by pushing me out of the way.”

“You know me!” I yelled suddenly. “You know me, right?” I asked her and then turned to the fam. “You guys too? Yaz? Ryan? Graham?”

The Doctor and the fam stared at me as if I had gone insane and exchanged a look with each other.

“err, did she get a concussion, doc?” Ryan asked.

“Hey!!” I yelled. “Focus!! Who am I?”

“You don’t know?” Graham asked.

“Of course I know who I am. Do you? Come on, guys, work with me here!” I said as I forced myself to get up despite their protests. “Who am I?” I barked at them. If the situation is different, I would have laugh at how angry I sounded but I was desperate for them to make sure they do know me.

The Doctor stared at me and then replied, “You are (name).”

“And?” I urged. “Did I travel with you and them in the Tardis?”

“You know you do, (name).” Yaz said. “What’s gotten into you?”

I sighed in relief at their confirmation. I laughed. “I’m back!” I laughed some more as tears suddenly fell into my cheeks. 

“(name), are you alright?” Graham asked cautiously.

“You guys won’t believe what happened to me.” I said. And I told them what happened to me earlier.

7777

I sulked. They don’t believe me. At all. Because according to them, I have been sleeping in my room that whole time. Even the Doctor said what I’m experiencing is probably a nightmare. In a way, it made sense. The Doctor and the fam never knew me? My greatest fear.

I sat on the stairs on the console room. After what happened to me, regardless whether it was real or not, I don’t feel like to be alone so I sat there, watching the Doctor at the console.

The Doctor noticed me and decided to join me at the stairs. 

“So, a seizure, huh? Was it because of that weapon? Have you figure out what that weapon are? Did it meant to give the victim a nightmare and a seizure?” I asked the Doctor.

The Doctor look troubled. 

“Doctor?”

“Don’t worry, (name), it will be okay.”

“So there is something to worry about?”

“Of course not.”

“But you just said…”

The Doctor surprised me when she suddenly grabbed my face. I blushed at the close proximity.

“Just trust in me, (name).” She said as she put her forehead over mine. “Just trust the Doctor.”

“I do trust you, Doctor.” I said softly.

I feel dizzy all of sudden and fell to the floor, unable to balance myself. “Ow, what the hell…? That is some headache…” I looked up and frowned when I realized I was alone. “Doctor?”

7777

My eyes widened as I take in the console room. It was different from what I used to. But there is no one in the console room. Fear nagging on the corner of my mind. Have I gone insane? Or did I somehow travel somewhere else again?

I know the Tardis is not in mid-flight, it was already landed somewhere so I got out of the Tardis to check it out. As I opened the door, I saw the beach and a man in a trench coat was there, nursing a banana daiquiri. He had his ties tied around his forehead and a black sunglasses covered his face. He was drunk as a skunk. With no one in sight, I had no choice but to go to him for information.

“Hello.” I greeted.

The man glanced at me and smiled brightly. “Why, hello there. Where did you come from? No one go to this beach this time of the years…”

“Yeaah…about that…where am I…exactly? I’m kinda lost…?”

He beamed. "I’m good with lost thing. Oops, where is my manner? Hulla there, I’m the Doctor.“

My jaw dropped in shock. "W-what? You? You are the Doctor?” I asked.

“Yeah, do you know of me then?” He asked in dopey manner.

“But…you are a man…” I said dumbly.

“Of course I am a man. What else I could be?” He asked almost like I insult him.

“Right. She said she was once a Scotsman before. It was a time lord thingies, was it?”

He sobered up almost immediately. “How did you know that?”

“I’m not the enemy, okay? Everytime!” I yelled, pissed at his tone that is almost accusing. I admitted I was being dramatic. It was only one time but I just hated being questioned of my intention. But then again, this version of the Doctor never met me so of course he will be suspicious.

He frowned at me.

“Look, Doctor. I don’t know what is happening to me. I keep waking up into different Tardis than the one that I know of. My Doctor said everything is alright but as you can see, the fact that I’m here instead with her means something is wrong. I knew she is holding out something on me. Trust in the Doctor, my ass!” I ranted.

He blinked at me. “Soo, you are a future companion of mine then? And I will be a Time Lady in the future?”

I blinked back at him. “You are taking this surprisingly well. I thought you would give me the oncoming storm speech. Considering I have no proof that I am indeed your future companion…”

“I feel like you are quite genuine to fake it.”

“err, thanks?”

He grinned a boyish grin at me. “Right then, off to the Tardis we are!” He said as he grabbed my hand toward the Tardis.

I pulled away from him. “Bit forward, aren’t you?”

“What? Didn’t your Doctor grab your hand and told you to run?”

“Noo. She told me to get off my ass and help her barricade the door.”

“Oh.”

“We were under alien attack, you see, it was my first time to see alien so I was kinda out of it.”

“Right. That sounded like interesting story which we can continue on the Tardis. Come on.”

I followed him obediently.

7777

I told him what happened to me, about the shooting, about the alternate universe.

The Doctor hummed as he pushed some button on the Tardis as he made the machine scan me.

“So, am I in the past or am I in some random alternate universe?” I asked.

The Doctor frowned as he observed the monitor containing information on whatever it is he is working on.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” He said as he tried to pulled the monitor away from me but I was faster this time and I saw it.

“Ooh…” I was understandably shocked. Because according to the Tardis database, I don’t exist.

“Different universe yeah?” He said as if trying to console me.

“Yeah.” I nodded numbly. “But… you believe me?”

He nodded. “Course.”

I sighed in relief. “Can you get me back home?”

“I will most certainly try.”

I nodded gratefully. “Thank you.”

He smiled at me. “So, since you are from alternate universe, it meant whatever you tell me will not be spoiler. So tell me about your Doctor. I have never regenerated into a woman before. What was I like?”

“Well, you love to talk, I guess you are always like that, huh?”

“Love talking.” He said cheekily.

I described my Doctor to him. He gave me an amused smile. “What?”

“Sounded like you fancy her…”

I blushed. “Shut up. She is my best friend, okay.”

He grinned.

My stomach choose that moment to protest in hunger much to my embarassment.

He chuckled. “Come on, let’s go to the kitchen.”

I followed him gratefully. “Doctor, where are your companion?”

His smile vanished. “I wasn’t taking anyone currently.”

“Ooh.” I felt bad for bringing that up because it sure ruined his mood. "I’m sorry.“

"What for?”

“For whatever happened to you or your companion.”

He look surprised.

“You have that sad eyes, like my Doctor. Before she met me and the fam, she lost someone too.”

He smiled sadly. “Yeah that tends to happened.” He sighed and then he stared at me. "The fam?“

I shrugged. "It is what she called us.”

“Blimey how many companion did she have right now?”

I told him about the fam happily. He was lonely, I can tell. I wonder what happened to his companion. But I know better than to ask that. So all I can do is tell him about my funny adventures to ease his loneliness. We entered the kitchen and he started preparing a light snack and tea for me.

7777

I woke up on the floor…again. 

“err, how did you get here?” A young man suddenly waved me for attention.

“W-what? Where am I?” I asked in confusion.

“You are in the Tardis kitchen but how did you get here?”

“Are you the Doctor?”

“No. I’m Rory, my wife and I travel with him.” He said. “Are you alright?” He look concerned.

“My head hurts.” I said. “Can you get me to the Doctor please?”

He nodded. “Wait here.” He quickly left and yelled for Amy and the Doctor.

My head hurts really badly. I felt like I’m about to throw up. I forced myself to stand up and walked out of the kitchen and fell.

7777

“DOCTOOOORR!!” A young woman screamed loudly making me wince. “Hey, are you alright?”

I groaned. “I’m not okay. I think I’m dying…” I said.

“DOCTOOOORRR!!”

I groaned. “Please stop yelling at me. God, I’m in hell…”

“Sorry.”

“Clara, what’s with all the yelling?” An old man dressed like a magician suddenly appeared.

“Look at her.”

“Who is she? Did you invite a stranger without my permission?”

“I did not! I found her in the corridor like that.” Clara said with a glare.

He sonic-ed me. “You looked like hell.”

“I’m dying…” I said almost petulantly.

“She kept saying that…” Clara said.

“Get her to the medbay.”

Contrary to my belief, I was not dying. Apparently I was dehydrated. The Doctor gave me some infusion. I felt so much better now.

The Doctor and the young woman who identified as Clara stared at me curiously as I devoured some food they gave me.

“Right, you want an explanation.” I said.

“That would be great, yeah.” Clara said.

“Well, what did the Tardis tell you? Am I at least exist here?” I asked.

The Doctor frowned. “How do you mean?”

“The last universe I was in, the Doctor told me that I didn’t exist. The one before that apparently never met me. I’m so tired. I just want to go home to my Doctor and my friends.” I said tiredly.

“Tell me exactly what happened to you.” The Doctor demanded suddenly.

And so I did. Again.

“So, ever since the shot, you have been crossing all over the universe?” Clara asked in awe.

I sighed. “That, or my Doctor is right and this is all just happening in my head. A nightmare of some kind. Though I didn’t think so. Even I wouldn’t be able to conjure so many detail about the Doctor.”

The Doctor told me that the Doctor I met in the beach is his tenth incarnation and that he was the Twelfth one. 

“Yeah, I think my Doctor is after this you. She mentioned that she used to be a Scotsman before.” I replied.

“Wait, your Doctor is a woman?” Clara asked giddily. “Oh, I have to meet her.”

The Doctor gave Clara a look.

“What? I am curious. You as a woman.” Clara said with a grin at the Doctor. “Tell me what she look like.” She asked me.

“Am I allowed to tell her?” I asked the Doctor. “Am I in the past or…?” I’m almost afraid to ask.

“You are in an alternate universe. And you did exist here.” The Doctor said.

I nodded. 

“Well? Tell me please.” Clara urged me.

I grinned at her and told her what she wanted to know.

The Doctor pretended to be busy with something else but both Clara and I know he is secretly listening. He asked me for some blood sample and I let him. I trust him. 

The last words my Doctor left me…trust in the Doctor. So I did.

7777

I woke up alone in the Tardis medbay. I sighed, resigning myself to be in another random place of universe. I wonder where I ended up right now. 

I got out of the medbay trying to find the Doctor. For once, I recognized the Tardis interior. My hearts swelled with hope that I am back at home. I walked as fast as I can to the console room hoping to find the Doctor or the fam. I found none.

I got out of the Tardis. I was in some alien planet. Without thinking for my safety, I stepped out of the Tardis. And then I saw her. The Doctor. My Doctor. But does she know me?

The Doctor stood alone, looking so lonely. My heart ached for her.

“Doctor?” I called out.

The Doctor turned around and her eyes widened as she saw me. “(name)? Is it really…you?” she stuttered my name.

I gave her a hesitant smile. “It’s me.”

She hugged me and she actually burst into tears.

I hugged her back but I was confused. “Doctor, what’s wrong?”

She pulled out of the hug and put both of her hands over my face. She smiled sadly. “My (name)…”

I felt uncomfortable. I like her so much. In fact, I could actually admitted that I have a crush on her. But the way she called my name, it’s almost like we are lovers which I know we are not.

“I missed you so much.” She said with a sob.

I was floored. The Doctor? Doing emotion? Something is wrong with her. “Doctor, where is the fam?”

She sobered up immediately. A dark expression crossed her features. 

“What’s it?”

“I lost them…to the cyberman.”

I blinked. “Jack’s warning…”

She nodded sadly.

“What happened?”

“I failed them.” She only said that, not wanting to relive the painful memory.

I wanted to cry. I can’t believe it. The fam can’t be gone. "How long have I been gone?“

She didn’t answer. Instead she turned around and walked toward to a bunch of stone. I followed her and I froze when I saw it.

It was my graveyard. The stone has my name carved on it. 

I shook my head. "This isn’t it. This isn’t home.” I whispered.

“She said that too.” The Doctor said. “You, she died in my arms. She died in pain and she kept screaming that she wanted to go home.”

I was shook to the core. Is this my future? Did I just give myself a spoiler?

“I never understand what is happening to her. I tried to make sense of it. It sounded like she was being torn apart from the inside.” The Doctor said with a forlorn look.

I shook my head in disbelief. I ran back toward the Tardis. I screamed while I was inside. “Please, please take me back home! I’m done with this! I’m done!!”

The Doctor entered the Tardis. Her eyes looked sad. 

I ignored her as I broke down in tears. I bend my knees on the floor and cried. 

She also sat beside me and hugged me close.

“What is happening to me? Please fix me, Doctor.” I begged her. “Please…”

The Doctor nodded weakly. “I will. Of course, I will.”

I stared at her. “Promise me.” I demanded. I know I was being cruel. “I want to go back to my Doctor and to my friends.”

“I promise.”

The Doctor lies. That’s what the Master once told me when we met. She won’t lie, would she?

I made the mistake to gaze at her and I saw something frightening in her features.

7777

I blinked and froze when I saw Twefth Doctor and Clara again. I was in a different console room again.

They stared at me.

“You are back.” Clara said.

My whole body just trembled mixture of fear, shock and relief.

“I just found out I will die a painful death.” I blurted as I wipe my tears off with my sleeve.

The Doctor and Clara blinked at me.

“I’m so tired of saying this. But for the love of God, please help me, Doctor.” I begged him.

The Doctor stared at me and nodded. “Your blood sample come back. You are indeed dying.”

“Doctor!” Clara shouted in warning.

I nodded and laughed harshly. “I figures as much.”

“There is something changing your DNA and it made you into a personal time machine. One that seemed to anchor yourself to the Doctor. Any Doctor. Any universes.” The Doctor said. “And you are only human, your body can’t take it. You are dying a slow death.”

I sighed. “I guess the good thing about this is it was me instead of the Doctor.” I said softly. If I had not pushed my Doctor out of the way, it would be her in this predicament. The thought of the Doctor dying, I shuddered. The universe will be screwed.

The Doctor looked like he was being slapped. “She would not want that. I, she would not want you to die in her place.”

“I didn’t want to die either. But…” I stared at Clara. “You would do the same for him, wouldn’t you?”

Clara stared at her Doctor solemnly. “In a heartbeat.”

The Doctor gazed at Clara.

“Right, okay? Is there a way to at least prolong my life?” I asked them, broke them from their loving gaze.

The Doctor replied without looking at me, “Working on it… Would be easier if you led me to the scientists so I can take a look at their project.”

“Right.” I tried to wreck my brain to remember what planet the Doctor took me that times. I was at loss.

He rolled his eyes. “Human. Pudding brain.”

“Hey!!” Both Clara and I yelled at him.

He grabbed me and told me to put my hands on the Tardis telepathic circuit. He told me to focus on my memory of that planet. So I did.

7777

I was in a middle of a town square. The town sign told me it was Christmas. I groaned. “Now what?”

I heard the unmistakable sound of a sonic screwdriver and a man in bow tie is wielding it at me.

“Hello, there, I’m the Doctor.”

“I know. The sonic screwdriver kinda gives you away.”

“You know me then?”

I sighed. “This is bullshit. Doctor, I’m a future companion, okay? I traveled with your Thirteenth incarnation. But I might be from another universes. It has been happening a lot lately. And I’m dying apparently.”

The Doctor glared at me and let out a harsh chuckle. “Nice one. But I am on my last regeneration and I don’t have anymore. So, who are you, really?”

I stared at him disbelief. “You have got to be joking. I don’t have a proof, okay? But I wasn’t lying.”

“Yeah, you are not lying about dying, are you?” The Doctor said as he read the result of his scan from his sonic screwdriver.

I fell silent to that. “Fine.” I said. “Don’t believe me for all I care. I won’t be here long anyway. I probably gonna disappear to another universe, another you again soon.” I crossed my arms, well aware that I’m sulking.

He frowned at that. “You are from another universe.” He stared at me as he circled me around.

“Oh now you are curious, are you not?” I mocked him in my anger. I shuddered in cold.

He sighed and he pulled his jacket and gave it to me much to my surprise.

I took it and murmured a small thank you. 

He took me inside a tower. 

“Soo…you believe me?”

“You can’t tell a lie here. There is a truth field in this planet. So, yeah, I do believe you.” He said as he gave me some hot tea. “So, tell me about what’s been happening to you. Sounded like you have a tough day.”

“You have no idea. And honestly, I’m tired of having to tell it over and over again to every version of you. I never stick around long enough to get some answers.” I said solemnly.

“Tell me anyway.” He requested.

And so I did. Again.

7777

I felt dizzy. “Oh great…” I moaned without opening my eyes.

“Found you.” Someone suddenly grabbed me from behind and hugged me.

It was the Thirteenth Doctor but from her voice, I could tell immediately she is not the one.

I tried to move away from her but she kept me still. “Doctor?” I called out.

“My (name)…” She whispered and then she put some sort of a collar on me.

I struggled against her but it was futile. “What the hell is this?”

“I found a way to keep you from splintering again.” She said as she released me.

I fingered the collar. “This?” I asked as I turned to face her. I noticed she was dressed differently from her usual clothing. Everything about her feels different.

She nodded solemnly.

“Splintering?” I asked.

“Basically you tearing every atom in your body by traveling all over the alternate universe." 

"So, as long as I wear this, I can stay here.”

She beamed. “Yes. With me.”

“But, if you are from my future, wouldn’t this be a paradox or something?”

She smiled at me chillingly as she caresses my cheek. “Don’t worry your pretty face about it.” She said. “There, I keep my promise. I fix you, my dear.”

I forced a smile for her despite feeling really uncomfortable and also I can’t help that bad feeling nagging in my gut. Instead I said, “But does it have to be a collar?”

She laughed in delight. “Would you prefer a ring instead?”

I blushed at that. “Maybe.” I muttered. “Because this collar isn’t really me at all.”

She smiled at me in fondness. “Then I will work on it for you.” She pulled my hand. “Come on, you must be tired and hungry.”

I followed her to a room. I didn’t recognize it.

“This is my room.” She said.

I blinked in surprise and took a look at the room. “It’s nice.” I said lamely.

She grinned. “Come, sit with me. Tell me all about your adventures.”

I stared at her warily but did as requested. She gave me plenty of food and drink and it was all my favorite. I smiled at her.

7777

I must have fallen asleep. I blinked for once realizing I’m still in the same place. The collar did work after all. But the Doctor is nowhere to be found.

I walked out of the room and take a glance at the corridors. I decided to go find some food in the kitchen when I heard voices in the distant followed by some bleeping light on the corridor. Almost like the Tardis is trying to guide me somewhere. So I followed it.

I wish I didn’t. I can’t believe what I saw. The Doctor. She had a hostage on board of the Tardis. I distinctly recognized the scientist that shot at me. The Doctor is torturing him. 

I felt like I was being punched. I was so scared. I wanted to confront her, to demand her for explanation but that bad feeling in the pit of my gut come back full force. I decided not to risk it. I slowly left the place, hoping she didn’t notice me. 

As soon as I was a safe distance away from the Doctor, I pulled on my collar wanting to rip it free but realized in horror that I couldn’t.

“Nooo. This can’t be happening. What is happening?” I muttered to myself, shaken in fear. 

I touched the wall and hesitantly speak toward the sentient machine. “You purposely show me that. What do you want me to do?”

There is no answer. I felt weak in my knees. I let myself fall to the floor, hugging my knees and cried.

A hologram suddenly appeared before me. It was the hologram of the Thirteenth Doctor but it was wearing the original clothing. It was staring at me in somber.

“Tardis?” I asked.

“Run.” It said.

“What?”

The hologram suddenly vanished as the real Doctor suddenly showed up. She was staring at me with a look I can’t decipher.

“You should have stay back in my room, (name).” She said solemnly.

“Why did the Tardis tell me to run from you?” I demanded.

She shrugged. “She is just confused. My old girl.”

“She is warning me about you.” I said.

She rolled her eyes. “Come on, (name), be reasonable.”

“Reasonable? I’m not the one who has been torturing people!” I snapped.

I know I did something wrong when a dark expression crossed her feature. 

“You saw it, didn’t you?” She said in resignation. “Oh, well…” She moved toward me.

I stopped her. “Don’t.”

“Don’t be afraid of me, (name), I would never hurt you.”

“You just going to keep me as your pet, is that it?” I asked.

She blinked at that. “I promise I will change that collar into a ring soon.”

“This is not about the damn collar!” I yelled. 

She didn’t look bothered by my outburst.

“Actually, yes, this is about the collar.” I recanted as I tried to pulled it off. “Why can’t I take it off?” I demanded.

She smiled chillingly. “I have to make sure you will stay with me.”

I shook my head in denial. “Who are you? The Doctor I know wouldn’t do this to me.”

She snorted. “You don’t know me that well, (name).”

“You are right. And right now, I don’t want to know you.”

She look like she was being slapped. She growled at me. “Stand up.”

I glared at her. “No. You go away.” I said petulantly.

“(name) (last name), do not test me.”

“Leave me alone.” I said as I closed my eyes, covering both of my ears. “Just leave me alone!”

Silence. And then I felt her hands pulled my hands away from my ears as she put her forehead over mine. And then she whispered, “Never.”

I opened my eyes to look at her and stunned at her sorrowful expression. Part of me almost wanting to comfort her.

And then everything went to black.

7777

When I woke up next, I was hoping to be somewhere else. The one time I wish I could leave, I got stuck. I woke up in a room, not the Doctor’s room from earlier. I was alone. The Doctor is nowhere to be found. I realized in horror that this particular room does not have a door. I can’t tell the way out.

The Doctor never showed her face to me for the next few hours? days? I don’t know. At first, I didn’t care. I did wonder if she is planning to starve me as she has not given me any sustenance. Strangely enough I did not feel hunger or thirsty. Heck, I didn’t even need to go to the bathroom which is probably a good thing as it would be embarrassing if I have to pee or more all over the place. Though it did make me wonder if I was already dead. Why else would I not require sustenance?

There was nothing to do in the room. I was alone with my thoughts. And I was never good at being alone. I refused to let her win though. I know she is punishing me, a silent treatment of sort. For a time, I was fine with it. I thought of my favorite stories, my favorite scene in a movie, a favorite song, anything to get my mind off the loneliness.

“Tardis?” I called out hesitantly. “Can you…talk to me?”

Nothing.

I sighed as I sat on the floor, hugging my knees close. I was bored out of my mind. I started wondering if this will be the end of me. 

Eventually the Doctor did visited me but she always appeared out of nowhere. I tried to be vigilant on her next visit in hope I could catch a glimpse of the way out. No such luck.

She gave me some book to read and an ipod containing music. She even brought some flower and put it on a small table.

I was curious about how long I have been here and how it is I remained alive without sustenance for so long.

“This is a time vault. It basically forcing you to stay alive.” She explained. “Like the flower I brought in, it won’t require water to remain blooming. This place sort of paused your time, I suppose.”

“Why am I here?”

“It is for your safety.”

“So, this is a prison.”

“It doesn’t have to be. I just need you to accept your reality.”

“And what is my reality, Doctor?”

The Doctor stared at me. “If you have to ask, that’s meant you still didn’t get it.”

My eyes widened as I realized something. “I’m still dying, aren’t I?”

The Doctor flinched immediately and I know I was right.

“Even with the collar, I am still dying. It just stopped me from…splintering away.” I said as I stared her down.

She didn’t reply.

“I was right, wasn’t I? That’s why I am here in this…Time Vault. You put me…on pause.”

She smiled solemnly at me. “500 points for (name).” she said, her joking tone fell flat.

I shook my head. “This is insane. This is all wrong. You have got to let me go.”

“If I do, you will die.”

“Maybe that’s what I want!”

“You didn’t mean that.”

I didn’t reply. I know it’s pointless to argue with her, so this time, I’m the one who give her silent treatment.

She sighed and then she left. She left me alone for so long. The next time she come in, I almost felt relieved, craving for any company.

I know she did this on purpose. She wanted to put that Stockholm syndrome thing on me. But I won’t let it come to that. It was a time like this that I wish I could actually do some meditation to clear my mind and stuff.

I think I go insane for a bit. I started talking to the shadow created by my slowly deteriorating mind. The books laid scattered on the floor, torn apart. So does the flowers and the vase and the table. I didn’t destroy the ipod. Yet. 

I started laughing at the song ‘Sweet but Psycho’. It reminded me of the situation I’m in for some reason. And then I started crying. Then I threw away the ipod across the room. My emotion is all over the place lately.

The Doctor came in once in a while and she was nice and friendly one minute and shut me down next. I begged her to let me out of this room. I begged and promised I won’t run. But she didn’t believe me. I hated her so much at that moment and I yelled it at her. She left again.

I screamed and I cried. I demanded the Tardis to talk to me, to help me. But, of course, she didn’t respond. Needless to say, I ruined the room again. I know the room will clean up by itself again later on, no matter the damage.

One day, the door suddenly showed itself. I had to blink my eyes a few times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. 

_“Run.”_

I heard the word in my mind and I did. I bolted out immediately. I have no idea the surrounding around me but the small light appearing on the corridor guided me somewhere to a another room….where a single hanging rope and a medium chair is waiting for me.

I frowned and then I giggled. I guess I did lose my mind because I walked toward it. I stood on the chair and fingered the rope that is fitting around my neck. I guess this is the only way I can escape. I kicked the chair and almost immediately the breath is knocked out of me as I struggled against the rope. It was painful and it took so long for me to black out completely.

Suddenly an alarm ringing loudly as I was about to black out. I could heard the Doctor screaming at me or the Tardis?

The Doctor pulled me down and laid me on the floor. She was crying. I almost feel sorry for her. She took off the rope and the collar.

Oh. So, that’s why the Tardis did this. I suddenly having a realization. I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t.

The Doctor pulled some injection and hit it on somewhere on my body and I gasped really loudly and coughed hard. She laughed and cried in relief at the same time. She hugged me tight. “Don’t ever do that again, (name)! I can’t lose you!” she begged me.

Whatever that injection is, it was a very good drug as I could feel the pain is gone. My hand rubbed the rope burn mark on my neck. I realized if I ever could have any control over the splintering, now would be the good time. As much it pained me to left her behind, I know my presence here is bad for her. 

I could feel myself being ripped away right at that moment.

The heartbroken look on the Doctor’s face seared forever in my mind. 

7777

I stumbled down and someone caught me in their arms. I could see a visible blond hair and my blood ran cold. What if I was still with her? I screamed. 

The owner of the blonde hair also screamed, more like in surprise than anything. It was then I realized it wasn’t the Doctor.

I pushed the woman away from me and I ran blindly into another person who grabbed me firmly. “Let me go! Just leave me alone!” I screamed.

The man calmed me down. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.” And somehow, I did calm down some but I was still sobbing.

“Doctor, who is she?” The woman I pushed asked. “She appeared out of nowhere.”

“Doctor, I think she is hurt.” Another voice said. It was a man. I recognized that voice. It was Jack Harkness, I think. “Look at her neck…”

The man who grabbed me pulled my hair aside and frowned when he saw the rope burn around my neck. “Who did this to you?”

I laughed hysterically. “I did this. I have to get her to take it off.” I said. “well, I had help, isn’t that right, old girl?” I looked up toward the ceiling

“Take what off?” Jack asked.

“Are you talking to the Tardis?” The Doctor asked in the same time.

“I guess she wouldn’t know me, different Tardis, different Doctor.” I said. “The Doctor, my Doctor…She has gone insane. I am too, I guess. She wanted to keep me even though I already died.” I laughed again. “i’m going to die in pain, she said. I’m scared.” I whispered. “The fam is dead too. She said she failed them. She put me on pause.” I said and giggled at how ridiculous that sounded.

I know they are probably confused with my incoherent babbling but I really don’t care. I told them about the collar and the Time Vault. Their Doctor is probably the only one who can put the pieces together from my rambling.

“Wait, I’m confused, some woman that has the same name as you did this to her?” Rose asked.

Jack’s eyes widened as he glanced at the Doctor. He know a bit about Time Lord from his time as a Time agent so he knew about regeneration.

The Doctor nodded at Jack. "She is from the future. My future.“ He look troubled, probably feeling ill when he realized I’m a future companion and as I babbled on, spoiler that his future-self has gone insane.

I chuckled. "I might not. I could be from alternate universe. That has been happening to me, always alternate universe, always another Doctor. But never the correct Doctor. She said I should trust in the Doctor. I tried. But her future-self is torturing people even if she did it to the person who shot me. I can never go home.” I said and I cried, wailing actually.

The Doctor awkwardly trying to comfort me. Of course, he wanted to know the mystery behind me even though I’m sick of telling it to the Doctor. But before I could, I finally recognized the somewhat tingling feeling as I was about to be ripped away once more.

7777

I dropped on my knees and coughed blood. Well, this is new.

“(name)? (name)!” A man rushed toward me. “Are you hurt? Where are you hurt?” He demanded as he check me for injuries.

I looked up to see the Tenth Doctor and he wasn’t alone. He recognized me which I’m grateful because I think I’m going to throw up if I have to repeat everything again.

“Doctor, I think she is sick. She is coughing blood. And look at her neck! Is that…? Did someone strangle her with a rope?” The woman fussed over me.

The Doctor introduced me to Martha, a medical student. He pulled up my chin and asked with a very serious manner, “Who did this to you?”

I wanted to answer but I coughed up again and then I fainted.

7777

I was expecting to be pulled into another place but I woke up to the Doctor and Martha fussing over me at the Tardis medbay.

I have a clearer mind now. I guess my nervous breakdown has dissipated now. Plus it seemed I got a good rest from that fainting despite the blood bonus. I coughed up again. When I saw the blood, I chuckled. “So, it’s finally happening…”

The Doctor stared at me. “What happened to you?”

“A lot. And frankly, I’m tired. I’m dying, I’m sure you know from the scanning.” I said. “I went to the future, my future, and my friends are all dead and the Doctor is insane.” I was being brutally blunt now.

Despite my words about his alternate version being insane, he seemed to be taking it well. "How can I help?“ The Doctor asked instead as he took one of my hand in a gesture of comfort.

"A cure would be nice. A cure for what did this to me.” I said. I told him to investigate their version of the scientist who did this to me. Chances are they would also developing the weapon used to shot me with. Hopefully.

The Doctor agreed with me.

“Tell me your finding when or if we meet again…” I said.

The Doctor and Martha looked at me in confusion.

I smiled weakly and waved goodbye at them as I felt myself being pulled to another place in another time.

**_A/N2: Ok, it’s great if you read this till the end despite how bad this is. Just wanna say thank you for reading_ ** **_, please consider to leave comments if you like this, I would really appreciate that._ **


	2. Going Under Part 2

**Fandom: Doctor Who**

**Pairing: 13th Doctor x Reader**

**Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?**

**_Trigger Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, dark!doctor, death, insanity, etc. You have been warned._ **

**_More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this._ **

**_A/N: Yup, still a very disastrous story and I still have no idea how to wrap it up in a pretty bow._ _Hopefully, this story will be interesting enough to get a positive feedback? I guess I’m just going to be evil person and post it anyway regardless how cringe-worthy this is. But if you find this story interesting, kindly leave comment etc please._**

“It’s you…”

I blinked at the young man before me.

“It’s Rory.” He supplied when he realized I don’t remember his name.

“Right, you and your wife are with the Doctor.”

“You remembered me?”

“Yeah.”

“Where did you go before?”

“Honestly I have no control of where I’m going on. So, where is the Doctor?” I asked.

If I’m going to be thrown away to every version of the Doctors, I might as well make them investigate the damn scientists so wherever I go next, maybe one of them could give me the answer or the cure.

“Everyone teased me. They said you are my imaginary friend.” Rory complained.

“Well, now you can introduce your imaginary friend to them.” I said with a small smile.

He snorted at that. “I guess Amy is no longer the only one whose imaginary friend become real. What is your name again?”

“(name).” I said.

“Ook, (name), if you don’t mind me asking, what happened to you?” He asked, gesturing to his own neck and mine.

I realized I look like shit with the mark in my neck like I was some victim of a crime. I sighed and wonder if I could borrow some new clothing that can cover the mark.

The mark serves well to gain their sympathy I suppose, makes them nicer to the victim in me but I’m not sure I want to play that card.

“Had an accident.” I replied.

Rory stared at me in disbelief.

I didn’t expect to see Eleventh Doctor again. It seemed he was a different one from the one I met at Christmas because he didn’t recognize me.

There was two women with him. A red-haired young woman and an older curly-haired one. Amy and River, Rory said.

“Everyone, meet (name).” Rory announced loudly.

The Doctor, Amy and River stared in shock at me.

“I told you she is real.” Rory said a bit smug.

I waved at them with a small smile as I braced myself for interrogation.

“What? What? Who are you? How did you get into my Tardis?” The Doctor demanded.

“Chill, bow tie, I came in peace…sort of.” I said. “And I don’t have much time before the next splinter…so listen up.”

I told them everything. Once I finished telling them, I sighed. “I really should start writing the explanation on a book to save more time for the next new Doctors I met.” I said. “Could I borrow some notebook?” I asked and stopped to take a look at myself. “And some new clothes from the Tardis wardrobe?”

The Doctor and River look intriqued with my predicament. He sonicked me and asked for blood sample which I gave.

River pulled me and took me to the Tardis telepathic circuit for coordinates for the planet the scientists are. Hopefully, they did exist here. I need answers and I pray to God that someone give answers and the cure soon.

Rory fetch me a blank notebook while Amy took me to change clothing. She is curious about the mark on my neck but I didn’t say anything.

“So your doctor is a woman?” Amy asked as she waited outside the bathroom while I took a quick shower. 

I was grateful that I wasn’t ripped away from this reality during my quick shower, that would be embarrasing. I pick up a new set of comfortable clothing. I wore a hoodie jacket so I could hide the mark on my neck beneath it.

I grinned at Amy as I got out of the bathroom. “What do you want to know?”

Amy grinned back at me. “What was she like? And what weird outfit she choose to wear this time?”

I pulled out of my smartphone. “I can show you pictures.”

“Give me.” She look so excited and it put a smile on my face.

I showed her our group selfie. I told her about the Doctor and the fam. She led me to the kitchen for some snack.

“Oh, I wish River is here to see this.” Amy said with a laugh when she saw the pictures.

I was surprised to learn that River is the Doctor’s wife. If it was any normal day, I would be upset but after everything that happened to me, it just seemed beneath me to be upset about it. And it’s not like the Doctor, my Doctor, is in relationship with me. So I have no right to be upset with her.

Rory entered the room and gave me a blank notebook and a pen and a small bag to carry it. So very thoughtful of him.

I smiled gratefully at him.

“Are you really going to write it all in that book?” Amy asked.

I stared at the notebook. If only the words I have in mind could magically appear on the pages that would be great.

“Err, do you mind if I take a look at your neck?” Rory asked. “I’m a nurse, you see, I might be able to help.”

I glanced at him and seeing the genuine concern in his eyes, I agreed. He gave me some balm for my neck. He also gave me some aspirin when I complained about having a headache from time to time. I was grateful as I kept the items on my pocket.

“Thank you, Rory, Amy.” I said as I grabbed the notebook and pen and put it inside the bag. “Tell everyone the same.” I pulled the bag strap over my body as I stood up and smiled at them.

Rory and Amy exchanged a confused look.

7777

I blinked at the sudden change in my surrounding. I was not on board of the Tardis. I was in some kind of…meeting room?

“(name)…” A small hoarse voice greeted me out of nowhere.

I turned around and at first I didn’t saw anyone and then I saw…it? There was a some kind of bird cage and inside there is some small creature in a suit? What?

“(name)…” The wide-eyed creature glanced up at me. “Run…” It said. “It’s not safe….”

My jaw dropped. “What?” I took a step hesitantly toward it. “W-who are you? H-how do you know my name?”

“It’s me…” It said. “Doc-tor.”

“What?!” I yelled. “Did you…? W-what? Doctor?”

The Doctor nodded weakly.

“B-but what h-happened to you? Did you get cursed by a witch or something?”

The Doctor look annoyed. “Something like that. It isn’t safe here, (name). You have to go.”

“But what about you?”

“Leave before he come back.”

“W-who? Who did this to you?" I asked.

"That would be me.” Another voice said from behind me.

I turned around and saw a man in a suit, staring at me curiously. 

“Who are you? How did you get on board of the Valiant?” He asked.

“Leave her alone, Master.” The Doctor stood up weakly inside the cage.

The Master smirked. “And why would I do that?”

“You are the Master?!” I asked dumbly.

“You know of me then?” The Master stared at me. “A companion of yours, Doctor?” He turned to glance at the Doctor. “A secret one, it seemed since I have no note about you at all from the investigation.” He said as he smirked evilly at me.

I gulped. I did met the Master before back when I was with my Doctor and the fam. I know he is evil. To think he would be so cruel to turn the Doctor into whatever creature he now is and put him on a cage for display? Despite my fear, I felt a surge of protectiveness. I wish I have a weapon of some kind now. I probably should have it from the beginning. I am really foolish, am I not? To keep leaving myself defenseless, how stupid I can be?

“What have you done to the Doctor?” I demanded.

The Master laughed at me. “Oh, him? That’s just his age catching up on him. Isn’t he look adorable though?” He asked with a mocking tone.

I wanted to punch this bastard so much.

“(name), don’t.” The Doctor reprimanded me. “Leave now.”

“Oh she’s not going anywhere, Doctor.” The Master said as he walked circling me like a predator. “I am getting bored and now we can have some more new fun with her.”

I shuddered at the chilling smile of the Master. I really do want to leave but where can I go? I have to wait for the splinter to happen. It was out of my control. 

The Master suddenly grabbed one of my wrist firmly. “Now who are you then?”

“Let go of me!” I screamed as I tried to get his hand off my wrist.

“Leave her be, Master!” The Doctor demanded helplessly.

The Master laughed at our demands. “Idiots the both of you!!" 

"I’m nobody!” I yelled immediately.

“You know the Doctor so you can’t be just a nobody.” The Master said. When he realized I would not tell him anything, he rolled his eyes. “Fine, the hard way it is.” He suddenly grabbed both side of my head and smirked cruelly before he put his forehead over mine. 

I could hear the Doctor yelled at the Master but all I could felt is pain, so much pain inside my head. I screamed as I struggled against his tight grip.

“Interesting. Alternate universe, huh? Oh, you did have met me before….” The Master grinned as he pushed his way inside my mind.

“Please, stop, it hurts…” I pleaded. My nose started bleeding.

The Master ignored me and pushes some more. “Ooh, Doctor, it seemed your alternate future-self has gone insane. My kind of Doctor…”

“Stop it!” The Doctor pleaded. “You are killing her, Master!”

“Hmm, that is one interesting weapon. I think you just made my day, girlie, you will be my next project.” He said.

I could feel the tingling as I realized I was about to be ripped away from this reality so I kneed him in the groin in retaliation. 

The Master definitely didn’t expecting that as he release me and fell to the ground, clutching his groin. “Bitch…” he whispered in pain.

7777

I fell to the floor.

“Doctor!! It’s her! She’s back!" I heard Yaz called out to the Doctor.

I groaned as I clutched my bleeding nose.

The Doctor bend her knees and sat beside me, clutching my chin in her hand. "It’s nice to see you again, (name).” She said with a small smile. “What happened to you?” She is checking me for injuries.

“The Master.” I replied weakly. “I was in…Valiant?”

The Doctor frowned. “The year that never was… So, you are still crossing all over the alternate universe then?”

I gave her an annoyed look.

“Right, silly question.” The Doctor said. “The Master forced his way inside your mind then? Do you mind if I go inside your mind too? I need to fix the damage inside you.”

I groaned. “Will it be painful?”

“I promise you won’t feel a thing.” She said with a small smile.

I nodded my consent.

The Doctor gently caress my messy hair before putting her forehead over mine. And I fell into a bliss full darkness.

7777

I woke up in the Tardis med-bay. I remembered meeting the Doctor and Yaz but I knew they weren’t my Doctor and my Yaz. I could feel the loneliness come back with vengeance. I wanted to cry.

“You are awake.”

I snapped out of my trance and glanced up as I saw the Doctor. My heart yearned for her. I bit my lips as I tried not to cry in front of this Doctor. After all, this Doctor never know me. She is not my friend. She is just a stranger who happened to share the same face as the one that I love. 

I tried to smile but failed. I shook my head to try to get myself to focus. But the tears keep falling on my cheeks against my wish. 

The Doctor glanced at me with pity. She tried to comfort me but she is being very awkward about it which make me laugh.

After I get my bearing, she asked me to tell her what happened to me since last we met.

“Have you get a warning about the cyberman from Jack?” I asked suddenly.

The Doctor frowned but nodded. “What do you know about the cyberman?”

“Nothing. But I need to warn you about the fam. Be careful. When the time come for you to meet the cyberman, do take care to make sure nothing bad happened to them.”

“Of course.” The Doctor nodded. “I wouldn’t want to put them in danger.”

I sighed. “You don’t get it, Doctor, of course, they will put themselves in danger, for you. All I asked is for you to watch each other back.”

“You know something?”

I was silent, debating whether to tell her and I decided to tell her about the future I saw of my Doctor. About my dying in her arms and her losing the fam to her being somewhat insane.

The Doctor look troubled. She glanced at me. “I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault.” I said.

We descended into uncomfortable silence before the Doctor finally revealed that she had gotten her hands on the prototype weapon from her version of the scientist. She has been studying it and found a disturbing information. In order for the weapon to work as it is, it need a target DNA. The fact that I got shot instead of the Doctor and ended up splintering all over the alternate universe with the Doctor as my anchor meant the weapon works but not quite as intended and also the weapon must have been infused with the Doctor DNA in the first place which is way the Doctor ended up as my anchor. The target must be my Doctor all along.

I was worried for my Doctor now. What if she is still in danger? How am I meant to warn her? And I have to also warn her about the danger to my version of the fam. I do not want my Doctor to change into a darker version of the Doctor I saw before. Maybe If I could warn her and save the fam, then the Doctor will be fine even if she loses me in the end. I’m not trying to be a martyr. I just want the Doctor to be safe and sane.

“Did you…find a cure?” I asked the Doctor.

She shook her head sadly. “I’m still working on it.”

“Thank you.” I said numbly.

“Hey.” She shook me out of my trance. “Get a grip. You will be okay.” She said as she put her hands over my cheeks.

I smiled weakly at her but nodded. “See you around, Doctor…” I said softly.

The Doctor, realizing I was about to disappear again, smiled encouragingly. “Hang in there, (name) (last name).”

7777

I landed inside the Tardis but there is no one inside. Then I heard a very loud electric guitar sound from the outside. Curiously, I walked out of the Tardis and regretted it as my eardrum is hurting. 

I looked around, found myself in some posh office. Then I saw him. The Twelfth Doctor. I recognized him despite the change in appearance.

He turned and almost drop his guitar when he saw me. “Well it’s about time. I thought you already keel over in one of the alternate universe since you never show your face again.”

I sighed in relief. “I guess you know me then.” I said as I stepped toward him. “Where are we?”

I was surprised to learn that he is teaching in some university now. 

A young woman and a bald man came into the room and the Doctor introduced them as Bill and Nardole. 

I wonder what happened to Clara but I know better than to ask about it. She must have left or he lost her. Seemed like a theme for the Doctor from what I’ve seen so far.

The Doctor told me to follow her into the Tardis and he started rummaging on his stuff in one of the room. He pulled a vial containing many red pill. He gave it to me.

“Is this…?”

“It’s just temporary cure…for your internal bleeding.”

“My what?”

“You have been couching blood, have you not?”

I nodded. “How did you…?”

“I did tell you that you are dying, right?”

“Right, something about splintering tearing my atoms…” I said before I realized it wasn’t him who said that. It was my Doctor, the somewhat insane one.

The Doctor glanced at me.

“Sorry, I’m trying to keep up with which version said what.” I pulled a note from my bag. “I have been writing every encounters. There is no pattern. I just keep randomly jumping all over the alternate timeline.”

He grabbed the book from me. I glared at him in annoyance.

“What? You are dying?” Bill asked.

Ah, I forgot his companion are here too. We talked for a bit.

The Doctor snapped his fingers to gain my attention. “Drink your medicine.”

I obeyed and pulled a pill from the vial and swallowed it. Nardole, helpfully, giving me a bottle of water. The medicine did do wonder, I felt a bit refreshed.

I smiled at the Doctor. Out of all the Doctors I met so far, he is the one that has been make himself useful to me. I was very grateful and I told him that.

“It was nothing. Like I said, it was just temporary cure. It will not stop you from splintering but it will delay it for a few hours, enough for you to get some rest and get some answers. Just be sure not to take it if you find yourself stranded in a dangerous place with one of the alternate doctors.” He replied. “You are still dying, unfortunately, so you need to take a better care of yourself.”

I sighed in resignation and asked if I could borrow a room to rest.

The Doctor nodded as he glanced at me with a bit of fondness. I think I grew on him and I must say I feel the same. He asked Bill to show me a room.

Bill and I started to get to know each other on the way of the room. She left me so I could get some rest.

I laid on the bed tiredly. I didn’t discard my bag for fear of splintering while I sleep. The notebook is still with the Doctor, though. Oh, well. I closed my eyes and feel into a blissful sleep immediately.

7777

I woke up after enough sleeping, feeling refreshed. I realized with delight that I’m still in the same place as before I went to sleep. I got out of the room to seek the Doctor. I walked out of the Tardis and saw the same office from earlier.

The Doctor sat behind his desk, writing something on my notebook?

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Ah, you’re still here. It worked then.” He said without looking at me. “I’m writing the formula of the medicine I gave you. In case you won’t find your way back to me again, you can ask the other Doctors for when your medicine run out.”

I hummed in pleasant. “That’s very thoughtful of you.”

“Just doing my part.” He said as he finished writing and gave the notebook to me.

I opened the page on his writing. I didn’t understand a thing of what he wrote though. “What language is this?”

“The other Doctors will know it, don’t worry your pudding brain about it.”

I glared at him, annoyed. “You’re still rude.” I said as I put the notebook back on my back.

“Really? I didn’t notice.”

I stick out my tongue at him petulantly.

“Anyway, I would like to ask about your assumption that the future Doctor you met is your Doctor.”

“How do you mean?”

“What makes you think that version is directly your future instead of alternate one?”

I hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I suppose because she recognized me. The other version of…Thirteenth, was it? The other one didn’t know me. I guess I jump into conclusion? It’s just that I didn’t meet any other version of my Doctor. Just those two.”

He started ranting about alternate universe being vast and so the alternate timeline with it. He also talk about alternate version of the Doctor and myself.

I admitted I couldn’t follow on his explanation which he noticed and being rude about it. It did give me a slight hope that it means my Doctor will be fine and won’t lose her marble. I smiled in relief at the thought. My smile dropped immediately when I felt the tingling again. 

I glanced up at the Doctor and quickly give him a hug much to his dismay. “Thank you and see you around.”

He look worried for me. “Good luck, (name).”

7777

I dropped unceremoniously on the floor. I was annoyed to keep finding myself on the floor every time.

I glanced up at my surrounding and my jaw dropped when I saw the sight before me.

The Doctors and companion from 9th-12th are there. They were trapped inside glass prisons, each doctor and their companion respectively had their own personal prison it seemed. And I was outside the glass prisons staring at them all.

“About time.” One of the Doctors said suddenly. “What do you want?”

“W-what? Hold on, did you think I did this to you? I just arrived.” I said, feeling a bit insulted.

“So, you are not the one who imprison us?” One of the companion, I recognized as Rose asked.

“I have no part in what happening to you guys. Where are we anyway?” I asked as I look around. “Where is your jailer?”

“No idea. We just woke up a while ago.” That was Jack.

“Right, okay, how do I get you out then?” I asked them.

“Who are you?” One of the Doctors asked again.

“Not the bad guy, that’s for sure.” I replied. “Don’t you think to save the question until after you got out of there?” I asked. “Don’t know about you, but the prison is giving me a bad vibe.” I said. “Oh shit is there a camera here watching us?”

“Yeah, there is.” One of the companion, Rory, pointed the camera on the wall behind me. 

“Whoever watching know you’re here. If you are not one the bad guys, you should really should do something soon.” Jack said.

“Oh hell, we have no time for interrogation then.” I said sarcastically. “Now, which one of you boys gonna help me figure out the way out here?” I asked all the Doctors.

All the Doctor spoke at the same time which giving me headache which reminded me I have to take my med. But I was hesitating remembering the Twelfth Doctor telling me not to take it if I ever find myself stuck in dangerous place with the alternate Doctors. I glanced at the Doctors, all alternate version of the Doctors, but no alternate Thirteenth Doctor in sight. I sighed. I know I can’t just abandon them, can I? I pulled the vial and pop one pill. I guess I resigned myself to get stuck here for a few hours. Let’s hope I didn’t get killed or get them killed.

I followed the Doctors’ instruction to check the box on the wall and cut some wire. I pulled my hair pin and tried to use it as the Doctors instructed. One of the prison cracked open. Eleventh Doctor, Amy and Rory got out. Rory and Amy helped me with the other boxes while 11th Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver and point it at the door to stop the jailers from coming in just as the alarm sounded very loudly.

After all the Doctors got out, they introduced themselves to me. I already knew some of them technically from my meeting with their alternate version before but I didn’t tell them that. Rose, Jack, Donna, Martha, Amy, Rory and Clara. The only one I haven’t met is Donna. She is very interesting loud person. It was funny seeing her treating the 10th Doctor like she is the boss.

“Are you ill?” Rory asked suddenly. “You look a bit pale.”

Martha also come to check on me. I remembered that she is a doctor or learning to be a doctor.

“I’m fine.” I said as I wiped the cold sweat that covered my forehead. What’s happening to me now? Shouldn’t the med make me feel better? Why now I felt like I’m about to keel over?

I heard the sound of sonic screwdriver. “You’re dying.” Eleventh Doctor said as he read the result of his scan. 

The companion showed some concern for me while the Doctors are wary of me but they also staring at me with pity now that they knew I am dying.

“Don’t worry I will get out of your hairs soon enough maybe in a few hours.” I said. “Rather than focusing on me, we should deal with whoever took you lot here in the first place.”

I followed them, more like the Doctors allowed me to tag along but I could feel their distrusts toward me, feel like they are chocking me…or maybe that was the effect of illness.

When they finally confronted their jailers, I fainted. I tried to stay awake but I lost the fight.

7777

I woke up in the Tardis med-bay. I sighed. I jumped when I saw the shadow across the room. The room lightened up and I saw it was Twelfth Doctor. He has my notebook in his hand. “Hello, (name).”

I stared at him. “You have read it then. So you know I’m not a threat.”

“It seemed so.” He said. “It has my handwriting inside.”

I nodded. “You, I mean, alternate version of you just wrote it actually…just before I landed here.” I said.

He nodded.

“Where are the other Doctors?” I asked.

“Gone back to their rightful timeline.”

“I guess you won the lottery to deal with me then?” I joked.

The Doctor glanced at me with a look I can’t decipher. “More like because i’m the oldest incarnation so you become my responsibility especially after I saw my handwriting.” he said. “But according to this book, you are travelling with the one after me.”

I nodded. “Thirteenth Doctor.” At his look, I shrugged. “Your alternate-self told me of the numbers.”

He didn’t say anything.

“So, what now?”

“There is a coordinate written here.” He said.

I nodded. “Right, that’s probably coordinate of the planet where we stumble upon the scientists and the weapon.”

He hummed. “I suppose I will have to help you to find some answer for your predicament then.”

“That would be great.” I said.

“The other me seemed to be fond of you. He wrote here to trust you and help you.”

“He did?” I asked, surprised. I smiled fondly. “I knew I grew on him.” I said. Suddenly I wish to come back and see him again and give him more hugs. I blinked suddenly when I felt the tingling. “Oh no… has it been a few hours since we met?” I asked.

He frowned at me. “What’s…?” he trailed and glanced at me. “You have to go, don’t you?” He quickly throw me the notebook. “I will get you answers or the cure when next you returned.” he said.

I barely able to catch the notebook and grabbed my bag before I vanished. I didn’t even get to say thanks.

7777

“ow.” I landed on my butt on the ground. I took a glance around my surrounding. I was inside the Tardis but the Tardis is poorly lit. And then I saw her. The Doctor.

“Doctor? Doctor!!” I called out as I scrambled on my feet to get to her.

It was her. Thirteenth Doctor. But something is wrong. She looked weak and dare I say, dying.

“Doctor!! Doctor, are you okay? What happened to you?” I tried to shook her awake.

She weakly opened her eyes and she smiled upon seeing me. “(name)…Am I dead already? How are you here…?” she asked as her hand weakly reaches out to me.

I grabbed her hands. “Doctor, what’s wrong with you?”

“Dying…got shot…”

“No. But you can’t be…”

She smiled at me. “…is good to see you again, (name)…been so long…”

“Doctor, what do I do? What can I do?”

She shook her head weakly and coughed blood. “Nothing you can do. Weapon disable regeneration. They got me…finally.”

Tears started falling on my cheeks. “Who? Who did this to you? Doctor!”

She smiled weakly at me. “I’m sorry, (name)…” she said as she caresses my cheek, wiping my tears.

“Doctor…please…don’t leave me…” I begged her. “Please just tell me, who did this? I can change it! I will change it!”

“My (name)…always so…” She closed her eyes and never open them again.

“Doctor?” I called out. “Doctor, no, please, open your eyes. Don’t do this to me.” I begged her. “Doctor!!” I screamed as I tried to shake her awake but it was futile. I cried as I hugged her body close. I started coughing blood too. I wonder if I’m going to die here. It wouldn’t be so bad, would it? I hold her hand and cried again. I laid beside her body, still holding her hand, wishing I could just die already.

I don’t know how long it has been before I finally feel the tingling. It was then I wonder if this Doctor is my future or some alternate one. I selfishly prayed it was an alternate one because I don’t think I could accept the universe without my Doctor. I let myself being ripped away once more and hope to God the next destination won’t tear my heart like this.

“Please let me see her again…” I pleaded as I closed my eyes.

7777

I found myself on the ground, curled on myself like a wounded animal. I didn’t bother to look where I ended up this time. My heart still in so much pain from witnessing the Doctor’s death. 

“(name)? (name)!! Are you alright?” That was Rory.

“Doctor! River! It’s (name)!! She has returned!!” Amy yelled.

I could hear the Doctor and River moved toward me in concern.

Someone pulled me from the floor. But I have no energy to stand up on my own. They let me sat on the floor then.

“(name), what’s wrong, dear? Are you injured anywhere?” That was River.

I turned to look at her. “The Doctor is dead.” I said as burst into tears again.

River looked like she was being slapped. I remembered she is the Doctor’s wife, of course, that news would trouble her. She exchanged a look with Eleventh Doctor.

I started coughing blood much to their horror. I fainted.

7777

I woke up from a nightmare of the memory when she died. I cried again. Rory and River rushed toward the bed where I am laid when I nearly fell from the bed in my rush to reach out to nothing.

“Hey, easy there.” Rory said.

River stroke my hair almost lovingly. “Take it easy, my dear.”

I grabbed her and I started rambling. “It was the weapon! It disable regeneration!” I yelled. I didn’t even know if the Doctor spoke of the same weapon that shot me. I didn’t get to ask. But I have a feeling it might be. I don’t remember what I said next but River is hushing me, trying to calm me down. But there is no consoling me. I kept telling her over and over that the Doctor is in danger.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Eleventh Doctor and Amy standing on the doorway. He looked like someone shot his puppy. He seemed almost afraid to approach me. 

“Promise me you will find it.” I pleaded.

“I promise.” River said.

But that won’t solve anything, will it? The one I wanted to warn and save is my Doctor. But I never get to see her. I know I still have to warn the other Doctors of a potential dangerous weapon a threat to their well-being. But what I wanted is my Doctor and my friends. I want them to be safe. 

I could feel the sign I was about to splinter again. I screamed in frustration.

7777

“(name)? (name)!!”

I was still screaming.

Someone is holding on my faces as they tried to snap me out of my hysterical. **_“Look at me, (name) (last name).”_** Those words suddenly sounded loudly inside my mind.

I opened my eyes and I saw the Doctor. Thirteenth Doctor.

Without thinking, I hugged her tight. She loses her balance and we both fell on the floor. I cried in her arms. I called her name over and over again. She was surprised but she stroke my back, trying to comfort me and pulled me to a seating position.

“It’s okay, (name). It’s okay.” She whispered. “I’m here.”

That made me cry more. I hugged her more, not willing to let go.

I could hear the fam approaching us in confusion.

“Doctor? (name)? What’s wrong?” Yaz asked as she sat beside us.

I turned toward Yaz before whispering, “Am I home? Do you…know me?”

“Not this again.” She replied. “Of course we all know you, (name).” She turned toward the Doctor. “Doctor, what happened?”

The Doctor hummed as she continue to stroke my back. “We were talking and then she just suddenly scream.”

I am home! They know me! I was too busy feeling relieved of being back at home with my Doctor and my friends. And then I realized what she said. I released her. “We were talking…?”

She nodded. “And then you just suddenly scream…”

“But I wasn’t here, was I?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I was back in the other alternate universes. I met alternate version of your past incarnations, you know, bow tie, sandshoes, big ear and sandshoes.”

She looked alarmed at that. “I don’t understand what you are talking about, you have been here with me all this time. But…how do you know about my past regeneration?”

“I told you!” I was frustrated. I grabbed around for my bag only to realize I didn’t have them. “W-what? Where is my bag?”

“(name), calm down.” Yaz pleaded.

“NO!” I shouted as I pushes her away. I stood up and nearly fell but the Doctor caught me. I pushes her away too.

Ryan and Graham stared at me with concern.

“What’s happening to me? I want it to stop!!” I shouted as I burst into tears.

“(name), tell me what you think happened.” The Doctor requested. She tried to placate me, approaching me like I was some sort of wounded animal, which in a way, I guess I am.

“You think I’m going insane.” I said accusingly.

She shook her head. “I think you are confused.”

“Confused enough to suddenly have information on your past regeneration?!!” I shouted angrily.

The fam exchanged a look with each other.

“Let me help you, (name).” The Doctor said. “Please. Trust me.”

“Just trust the Doctor?” I asked. “That’s what you said before.”

“I did say that.” She said. She raised her hand toward me. “Trust me, (name).”

“Then tell me what do you think is happening to me? I know you know something. You said not to worry. But I’m so tired, Doctor. I just watched you die. Are you telling me I’ve been dreaming all of that?”

“(name)….”

“Tell me! Was it the weapon? It did something to me, right? What? It drive me insane? Making me conjuring some form of nightmare and of my fear? Tell me!!”

7777

I blinked and I realized the Doctor and the fam is gone. “Nooo…” I broke down in tears. “What is happening to me?” I fell on my knees and that’s when I noticed my bag is back strapped on my body again. I pulled out my notebook and opened to the last page of my writing. “No. No. No.” I screamed and I tore the pages off the book in my rage. And then I cried.

I finally glanced around my surrounding. I was in the Tardis but no one seemed to be around. I went to the kitchen and pulled a knife from the drawer and a wine from the Doctor’s stash. I drank the wine, regardless of the taste, working up on the courage to do what I have to do. 

“I have to wake up.” I whispered. Then I slit my wrist, putting a cut so deep. I hissed in pain as more tears falling from my cheeks. I watched numbly at the blood flowing from the cut. I felt weak and passed out.

7777

I woke up in a med-bay. Someone has bandaged my wrist. I sighed in disappointment. “Why can’t I wake up?” I whispered in desperation.

“I must admit this is not the first time we have a stowaway but you are actually the first that tried to kill yourself on my Tardis.” Someone said, jolting you out of your trance.

I glanced up to see…Ruth clayton? My jaw dropped in shock. I remembered my Doctor telling me and the fam that Ruth actually is the Doctor but that she didn’t remember being her.

She raised my torn notebook at me. “Just read it all. Quite the days you’ve had it seemed.”

“You read it…? You believe it…?” I asked. I discreetly take a look at my bandaged wrist. She must have been the one who did it. She saved my life. Don’t know exactly what she did but I felt fine for someone who just survive attempted suicide. I wonder what she thought of me when she found me before. She looked so chill for someone who just find some random stranger. I guess the notebook did help. Can’t believe she actually fix the notebook. But then again I should not be surprised that the Doctor did that. And as I look at her, I can almost believe that she is the Doctor but a slightly more mature one?

She hummed. “I scanned you. The result is that you did indeed come from alternate universe.”

I snorted at that. “Well, we are all got it wrong it seemed. I am dreaming this. I am dreaming of you! Nothing here is real! I’m just having some elaborate hallucination!” Even as I said that, I knew I was wrong because I only knew Ruth Clayton, I never saw the appearance of Ruth!Doctor before. My mind should not be able to conjure any version of the Doctors but the one that I knew. But when I remembered what happened last, I just don’t know anymore. I admitted it was stupid of me to try and off myself. But well, i guess I’m well on my way of being insane. Can you blame me?

“Dreaming of me? My, have we met before for you to dream of me like this? Also I have been hallucination before, wasn’t fun. I can tell you I am not a hallucination, dear.”

“Of course you are! We’ve met! You told my Doctor that you are the Doctor but she said she didn’t remember being you!” I said.

“A-ah, I know I have met you before, you are with that other Doctor then? Her companion, is it?”

“You don’t understand.” I said petulantly.

“You are right, I don’t.”

I was annoyed with this Ruth!Doctor. She is being dismissive of me, like i’m some child throwing tantrum, which in a way I suppose I do. I coughed harsh and I covered my mouth, knowing full well I’m coughing up blood again.

“Would you like your medicine?” She asked, showing me the vial the alternate Twelfth Doctor gave me.

I shook my head. “No thanks. I don’t want to intrude you any longer.”

She sighed. “You seemed to have give up on staying alive…”

I snorted. “I’m not dying. I’m just going insane, it seemed.” I said sarcastically. 

Suddenly I heard the wheezing sound of a Tardis. I glanced up at her in confusion.

“I called the other Doctor here.” She said.

I frowned. “You…you called her here?” I asked.

“Well, you are an alternate version of her companion.” She said.

I stared at her blankly before I registered what she said. “There is another me here? With…the other Doctor?”

“Would you like to see her?” She asked.

I nodded. I was a bit curious of the other me.

7777

It was really weird seeing an alternate version of yourself, I have got to say. The Doctor and the other me stared at me in shock. I felt suddenly self-conscious. I did just tried to off myself. I tried to hide my bandaged wrist behind me.

They invited me to their Tardis. Ruth!Doctor clearly wanted to get rid of me as soon as possible. I can’t blame her. Who would want a damage good like me anyway? And I did dirtying her Tardis by trying to kill myself over there. She gave my torn notebook and medicine to the other Doctor. They talked for a bit.

The other me is staring at me curiously. I was at first curious but now I just want the other me to go away. She made me felt like a strange alien.

The Doctor smiled at me. “Hello, (name), it’s good to meet you.”

I didn’t smile back. 

Her smile faltered. “I’m so sorry to hear what has been happening to you. I promise I will help you get home.” She said as she grabbed one of my hands and it happened to be the bandaged one. She looked like someone kicked her puppy as she noticed the bandaged wrist. “Please don’t give up, (name), your Doctor wouldn’t want you to.”

I pulled my hand off her. I wanted to hurt her with words but I can’t think of anything despite my sudden anger at her. “You don’t know me.” I finally lashes out. “I’m not her. And you are not the Doctor." 

She looked hurt. I saw the other me bristled and about to shout at me but her Doctor stopped her. She whispered something to her and the other me left us behind.

I scoffed. "Don’t worry, I won’t be here for long anyway.”

“Let me help you, (name).”

I could felt myself about to cry again and I hated myself. “No one can help me. Not anymore. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.” I whispered to myself.

The Doctor looked so sad, I almost wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t. She wasn’t mine. 

I was surprised when she suddenly hugged me close. “I know it’s hard, (name), but you have to have some faith. Just trust the Doctor.”

I cried when she said that. I hugged her back. And then I could feel myself being ripped away again. But I already resigned to my fate so I let her go.

_**A/N: Alright, so this is the end of part two. I still have no idea how to end this story. As you can probably tell, the plotline is messy and probably ended up repetitive. At the rate this is going, this story might not get a part three at all. Maybe the Reader truly lost in time after all. I tried to write a dark!doctor but I think I failed. I really wanted to write for dark!doctor. Maybe I would have better luck next time, whenever next time is and if there ever be another next time.** _


	3. Going Under Part 3

**Fandom: Doctor Who**

**Pairing: 13th Doctor x Reader**

**Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?**

**_Trigger Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, dark!doctor, death, insanity, etc. You have been warned._ **

**_More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this._ **

_A/N: I got a few encouraging comments from the last two part of this stories and I am so very grateful. Thank you, guys! It kinda inspired me to write for part three but unfortunately I still couldn’t wrap it up. I can’t make any promise for part four. I am really worry that part three will be the part where you guys decided it is bad writing and not worth reading after all. Even so, please be sure to drop comments etc if you like this maybe?_

I opened my eyes and found myself in…well, not the Tardis. Where am I? I took around at my surrounding. Some broadcast station…in space?

I heard voices on the distant and I decided to go see it. With my luck so far, it will probably direct me to the Doctor. But to my surprise, it was Jack Harkness. He was standing surrounded by people and he was talking about the Daleks coming for them. He asked for volunteers to help him to fight off the Daleks. Some of the people doesn’t seem to believe him but there were some who did and actually brave enough to agree to make a stand.

“Where do I sign-up?” I asked without thinking. Part of me grimaced at the stupid albeit cool line I said. Distinctly, I wonder if I still have a death wish. Maybe I am.

Jack look surprised to see me and then he grinned. “Well, isn’t this a nice surprise?” He walked toward me. “You are the girl from before.”

I grimaced remembering my state of mind at the time of we last met. “yeah, sorry, my mind a bit scrambled before.” I remembered meeting him with Ninth Doctor and Rose. Before I could give them a proper explanation, I was ripped away but their Doctor should be able to piece information about me from my rambling. But I don’t exactly remember what I said to them. I was messed up at the time. “So, is the Doctor here? Where is he?”

“Upstairs with Rose, preparing some defense against the Daleks.” Jack replied. “Come on.” He gestured me to follow him to the lift. “He would love to see you. You leave us very confused and curious.”

I follow him and entered the lift along with the volunteers which are not many. I noticed he has gun on his hand. “Am I gonna get one of those?”

“Do you even know how to use gun?”

I blinked. “No.” I stared at his gun. “Teach me. I’m sure you are good with guns.”

“That’s not all I’m good at.” He said with a wink.

I chuckled in amusement. “Oh, I’m sure.” I met him before so I know he’s such a flirt. I remembered Graham slipped up and told us that Jack had kissed him in the mouth when he thought he was the Doctor. “But on a serious note, can you teach me how to use gun?”

Jack glanced down at me, assessing me I think. He noticed my bandaged wrist but thankfully made no question about it. “Sure, if that is what you want.”

“It is.” I said. Remembering the alternate version of my Doctor I saw before, she is dead, shot by some weapon that disable regeneration. I wanted to be able to protect her. I know the Doctor disapprove of gun but I have to learn to defend myself especially since I’m still being thrown all over the alternate universe and meeting the likes of the Master or Daleks. 

I sighed. Am I going with the theory of alternate universe again? Or that I’m going insane by hallucination? Either way, this is the right time to start learning to use a gun. A brief suicidal thought of using the gun on myself crossed my mind. Someday maybe. I shook my head and tried to focus on the last word of the alternate Thirteenth Doctor about keeping my faith and hope, and that words again about trust in the Doctor. I put my hand over my beating heart. I guess I have to try.

Jack is staring at me in concern but he didn’t ask which I’m super grateful. As we arrived on some floor, he instructed the other volunteers to be in their position before turning to me and led me to go see the Doctor. 

“Doctor, look who I found lurking around.” Jack announced.

The Doctor glanced up from what he has been working on and was surprised to see me. He stood up in disbelief and walked toward me. “It’s you.”

I smiled hesitantly. “Hi. I’m (name)?” I introduced myself.

To my surprise, the Doctor smiled brightly at me. “It’s good to see you again.” He said as he hugged me. He released me and glanced down at me. “You look better than before.” He noticed my bandaged wrist and his smile faltered momentarily.

I grimaced and I pray he didn’t mention it. “yeah, I’m sorry you have to see my breakdown like that.” Ugh, why does this particular Doctor has to witness my condition at worst? I could tell the guilt in his eyes even though what happened to me is out of anyone’s control. If I die on his watch, I have a feeling he would take it really hard.

“So, the Daleks, huh?” I switched topic. “I met a Dalek once with my Doctor during new year. It caused a blackout on Britain’s internet system.” I smiled at the somewhat fond memory about Ryan make a comment what a monster the Dalek was for doing that.

The Doctor gazed at me with a look I can’t decipher. 

“So, what’s the plan?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable.

“Where is Rose?” Jack suddenly asked out-loud.

I realized that Rose is nowhere around too late. So much for being more aware of my surrounding…

The Doctor has a look on his face and both Jack and I know that he must have send her home. A very Doctor-ly action of him. 

Jack goes away to deal with some of the volunteers and I sat back with the Doctor.

“How can I help?” I asked, knowing full well I’m kinda useless. I wondered if I should have gone with Jack so I could ask him if he has a moment later to teach me how to use gun. Yes, my mind still made up on learning that.

The Doctor busied himself with some wire on a box. For a while, I thought he will be ignoring me but he suddenly asked that dreading question, “How are you holding up?”

I blinked. “I’m fine.”

He stopped what he worked on and turned to me. “What happened to your wrist?” He asked.

“It was nothing. I got hurt.”

“By your own hand?” he asked bluntly.

Wow, he must have think I’m unstable as a person. Well, I can’t blame him for reaching that conclusion, considering the first and last time we met, I actually admitted of trying to hang myself. And It’s not like he’s wrong about it.

“I’m fine.” I repeated firmly. I looked away unable to hold his gaze any longer. “I will be okay.”

We were interrupted by a transmission from a Dalek. It was talking about a delta wave or whatever I couldn’t keep up. Once the transmission is over, the Doctor look troubled. It looked like he was almost in despair and it’s not a good look on him.

I coughed up blood again much to my annoyance. I turned from him, not wanting him to see it. I pulled the medicine from my bag, wondering if I should pop one and stick around here. I know thing is about to be dangerous around here.

“What is that?” The Doctor suddenly asked, surprising me and I dropped the medicine on the floor.

I cursed. “Don’t do that.” I reprimanded him for jumping me.

“Sorry.” He said with a sheepish grin.

“It was just a med I’m taking.” I said, determined to be vague. The Doctor gave me that look again and I sighed. “Fine, what do you want to know?”

He grinned at me and gesture me to seat on the floor with him.

I explained what happened to me as short as possible. I showed him my notebook but I warned him about it might containing his alternate future with description of his alternate future regeneration and companion. 

“I guess I have a future…” He said with a grin at the mention of future regeneration.

“You’re the Doctor. You will beat the Daleks.” I reassured him.

It has the opposite reaction. He looked sad. “Not always.”

I showed him the Twelfth Doctor’s writing on my page. 

He grabbed the notebook and read it. “This is my language.”

“Is it?”

“The language of the Time Lord. Future me must have trusted you.” He said.

I felt my heart ached at that. I kinda felt like I’m letting that particular Twelfth Doctor down by losing the will to live. What would he says if he see me now? 

The Doctor must noticed something on my expression. Probably the same despair that he currently felt against the Daleks. He pulled me into his embrace. “I’m so sorry. I can tell things has been hard for you.”

I felt my face hot as I could tell I’m about to cry again. “Stop it.” I said. “You’re going to make me cry again.”

“Then cry.”

“But the Daleks…”

“It’s fine. Let go, (name).”

And I did. I cried and I poured my heart out to him about the despair I still feel clutching me and the loneliness I felt from time to time. 

“You are not alone. All the alternate Doctors in all those other alternate universe will be your allies.” He said. “Just have faith and keep hope in your heart.”

The same word the alternate Thirteenth Doctor said to me. They really are the same person. 

I nodded weakly and said, “Thank you.”

Another transmission from the Daleks and they basically mocking the Doctor of his situation. While the Doctor dealt with the Daleks, I saw Jack who seemed to be listening to my earlier conversation with the Doctor. He gestured me to follow him and he gave me a gun. He teach me the basic of how to use a gun. I was nervous but I still stand in my belief that I need to at least know how to use one.

I decided to go with Jack to help defend the floor but the Doctor stopped me. 

“It’s not safe.” He said.

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” He said stubbornly.

I realized he still think I am suicidal. Am I? His words earlier does make me feel better. Do I still want to give up? Or am I going to give this nightmare another chance?

Jack left me with the Doctor, knowing how protective the Doctor is with companion, albeit an alternate one.

I flinched when I started to hear the scream and the sound of gun from the other floor.

The Doctor asked me to help him move some wires around and so I did as he instructed.

Things has gotten really serious when the Daleks finally reaches the floor we are in. 

Distinctly I wonder what happened to Jack. He should be fine, I think, because I met his alternate self far in the Doctor’s future, right…?

“Doctor!!” I yelled to warn him. I suddenly felt the usual tingling, a sign I was about to be ripped away but a Dalek suddenly shot at me.

The Doctor stared helplessly in horror as I screamed in pain and fell to the floor at the exact moment the Tardis materialized within the room and Rose is there, glowing.

I felt pain and then I was gone.

7777

“Come on! Come on! (name), hold on!”

I distinctly heard a woman’s voice shouting at me and she was pressing on my chest repeatedly. I wanted to protest but my body is hurt and I can’t open my eyes.

“(name), please hold on. Don’t you dare give up!” The woman shouted near me.

I groaned and I opened my eyes but my sight is blurred. Ooh, it was Thirteenth Doctor. How can I not recognize her voice?

The Doctor sighed in relief as she saw me open my eyes. “(name)….”

I wanted to speak but I found I couldn’t.

The Doctor’s eyes darted toward something I couldn’t see. She moved her face closer to me and she said, “Listen to me, (name), this is important, whatever happened, don’t take….”

I blacked out.

7777

“(name), are you okay? Are you hurt?”

I blinked when I saw Tenth Doctor and Donna. I was lying on the ground somewhere. “owww…” I groaned.

“Is that the ’(name)’? Your future alternate companion? That ’(name)’?” Donna asked the Doctor.

What? He told her about me?

I blinked again. 

The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver and scanned me. “You are injured…”

“My whole body hurts….” I complained in a hoarse voice. “That dalek got me just as I was about to splinter…”

The Doctor’s eyes widened at the mention of the Dalek. “You are so lucky, (name), you didn’t suffer the full blunt of the shot it seemed.”

“I don’t feel lucky though…” I said I grabbed his arm and forced myself on a seating position. I turned to Donna and greeted her. “Hello.”

Donna smiled in friendly manner. “Hello, I’m Donna and you are (name), I have heard so much about you.” she said. “He talks about you all the time.”

I raised my eyebrows at the Doctor who looked a little red in the neck. 

He shrugged. “I was worried for you.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

He grinned at me and helped me up. 

“Where are we?” I asked as I took on my surrounding. I was in some bazaar…on some alien planet?

Donna grinned and grabbed my arm. “Come on. From what the Doctor told me, you deserve a break.” she said.

I let myself be dragged by her as she took me to some stand that sells various stuff. I turned to eye the Doctor and gesture my head toward Donna.

The Doctor smirked at me and shrugged.

We tried some alien food and have some fun with it. I pulled my medicine discreetly and pop one. Donna’s right, I deserve a break, don’t I?

The Doctor noticed when I swallowed my medicine despite my attempt to be discreet.

Donna, sensing he want to talk to me alone, left us behind to check on some stand.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“It was for my internal bleeding.” I said finally. “Your alternate future-self made it for me.”

He look saddened at the reminder that I was dying.

“Come on, don’t make that kind of face.” I said. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should have provided some answers or cure for you by now.” He replied.

“It’s fine. I’m sure you did your best.”

The Doctor didn’t reply for a second. He has a distant look. He eventually said, “Martha and I went to the coordinate you gave us last time.” He sighed and then turned to look at me in the eyes. “We didn’t find anything. It seemed your scientists does not exist here.”

“Ooh.” I didn’t know what to say to that. On top of not being existed here, apparently the cause of my predicament also did not?

“I still check on the coordinate from time to time…” The Doctor said. “So far, nothing.”

I hated seeing that sad and guilty look on his face. “Okay, enough, we should stop being a downer. Today is about having fun.” I said suddenly.

The Doctor blinked at me and smiled slowly. He raised his hand toward me.

I glanced up at him, rolling my eyes fondly at him and took his hand, allowing him to take me to continue sightseeing.

We joined back with Donna and we try to have some fun, pushing the elephant in the room away.

Eventually I got a bit tired and have a seat by myself while the Doctor and Donna goes to check out some stuff, promising to come back and buy me some more food.

I pulled my notebook and started writing what has been happening to me so far. I sighed after I finished writing.

“What are you writing?” The Doctor asked as he come back with some food that smell delicious and he gave one to me.

I smiled gratefully at him. I explained the function of my notebook.

He stared at me with almost a solemn look. “Are you okay?”

I sighed. “I’m fine, Doctor, please don’t worry about me, okay?”

“I can’t help it. Last time we met, the Master…” He trailed. 

“One of the alternate Doctors helped me after that. She fixed my mind.”

“She, huh? Not your Doctor?”

My smile faltered. I diverted my eyes somewhere else.

“You can tell me anything, (name).” He said. “I would like to be of help to you.”

Oh, Doctors, whichever universes you come from, why do you always staring at me like my predicament is their fault?

“You are helping, of course, you are. Being here with you…you made me feel almost normal again.” I said trying to reassured him.

He glanced at me with that look again.

“I’m fine.” I said. “I will be okay. I met your alternate past-self and he said that I am not alone. All the alternate Doctors in all the alternate universe will be my allies.”

He sighed. “He is right.” He said. He pulled my notebook and my pen from me.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you convincing whichever Doctors you get next.” He said as he opened the notebook to a blank page and started scribbling something on it.

When I read what he wrote, I laughed. He wrote it in english but at the end he is writing in the same language as the Twelfth Doctor. The Ninth Doctor told me it was the language of the Time Lord. I wonder what it meant, the words he’s writing.

The Doctor grinned boyishly at me.

Donna joined us and she exclaimed loudly about some magnificent show out there and demanded we go with her.

I put the notebook back on my bag as I rushed to follow Donna and the Doctor.

I have fun with them. I think this is one of the best days so far ever since the nightmarish incident happened to me.

Somehow I got separated from them and that’s when I was stopped by a strange woman. She owned a stand. She said she is some kind of oracle. She took a look at me and kinda forcing me to let her see my future.

I thought why not. Maybe she can show me the way home. So, I entered her tent. An aromatic smell assaulted my nose. She has one of those glass ball which make me smiled.

She told me to sit so I did and she told me to stare at the glass ball and think of what I wanted to know.

I felt foolish for doing this but I did it anyway. I fervently hope, thinking about how to get back to my reality.

She snapped her fingers suddenly and I blacked out.

_I opened my eyes to the sight of some trees and a garden. I saw an old woman watering the flower. She has long white hair in a braid. I saw an ugly scarred skin on her wrist resembling the number 99._

I suddenly was shook awake harshly by Donna followed by her screaming at someone about what she has done to me.

I opened my eyes and some scary huge bug on my chest and I felt like the bug is chocking me somehow. I was about to scream just as Donna pulled the bug off me. I coughed up harshly and weakly tried to sit up.

Donna is yelling at the woman.

I saw the bug walked and flown toward Donna. “Donna, watch out!” I yelled but my voice is hoarse and unclear.

To my horror, the bug has landed on Donna’s back and Donna stared at me in shock before she suddenly fainted.

At the worst moment, that tingling happened and I screamed for the Doctor but I was gone.

7777

I fell to the ground. I was on the street somewhere on earth. Everyone seemed panicking. When I looked up to the sky, I know why everyone is panicking. I could saw planets on the sky. What the hell? What is happening?

“It’s you.” Someone suddenly said.

I turned around and I saw Rose. She was carrying a huge gun.

“(name), right? The Doctor told me about you. If you are here, the Doctor must be near somewhere.” She said. “Come on, follow me if you want to live.”

I was dumbfounded by her. She is such a bad-ass.

She grinned at me. She took a look at me and realized I was unarmed. “Do you know how to use a gun?”

“Well, Jack teaches me but I haven’t got a gun or time to practice it yet.”

She hummed and pulled a stun gun from her bag. She taught me how to use it.

I stared at the stun gun. “thanks?”

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s go and find the Doctor.” She said as she cocked her gun.

I was amazed by this girl. She is awesome.

As we walked together, I discreetly observed her. Rose. I met her with Ninth Doctor which mean he survived the Daleks on that space station. I was glad.

We walked the currently empty street and there far away we spotted the Tardis. 

I saw Tenth Doctor and Donna? I was confused now. Are they the same Tenth Doctor and Donna from my last trip? But this Rose is with Ninth Doctor, right? But that meant the Ninth Doctor has regenerated into his Tenth version. Dear God, I’m going to get a headache trying to make sense which Doctors I’m getting from now on. 

Rose grinned as the Doctor stared at her in awe. They run toward each other.

Wow, I felt like a third wheel at that moment.

Suddenly the Doctor was shot by the Daleks. I ran toward the Doctor and Rose immediately.

Jack appeared suddenly and shot at the Daleks before grabbing the Doctor toward the Tardis. 

Rose and Donna were crying.

I was numb. No way. I don’t want to watch the Doctor dies again. He has to regenerate, right?

The Doctor started to glow in yellow.

Jack yelled at us to get back and away from the Doctor. But to all of our surprise, the Doctor is fine next? He transferred his regeneration energy on a tube containing…hand? What the hell?

The Doctor is fine and he acted like he is not just gotten shot much to all of our confusion. He eventually explained it to us.

I sighed. The Doctor is just so full of surprise.

The Doctor and Rose are having a moment together. It was then I realized that this Doctor is in love with Rose and she is feeling the same. But what about River? I groaned, I’m having a lot of information on the Doctor, much more than my Doctor probably want anyone to know. That’s probably the one good thing from being forced to one alternate universes to another. I know more about the Doctor now…somewhat.

The Doctor finally gazed at me. He grinned and gave me a hug. “(name)! It’s good to see you again!” He said. As he hugged me, he whispered to me, “I’m glad you keep the hope going.”

I glanced up at him and sighed. “I have the Doctors as my allies, right?”

Donna just that moment to cough. “Doctor, who is this?” she asked.

I turned to Donna. Right, this version haven’t met me yet. I thought of the Donna I met before. Is she okay? “The bug! Have you gotten the bug yet?” I asked her.

The Doctor and Donna stared at me in surprise. 

“How do you…? Right, alternate universe…” The Doctor pieced it together. “She is fine. Donna, this is (name) and (name), I’m sure you already know this is Donna.” He introduced us.

“W-what? Alternate universe?” Donna yelled.

“It’s a long story…” The Doctor said.

I bit my lips and prayed the other Donna is okay too.

Jack pulled me into a hug next. “It’s good to see you too, (name).”

I smiled at him. “I’m glad you’re okay, Jack.”

Jack smiled and winked at me. 

We are interrupted at the sound of Daleks outside the Tardis. They intercepted the Tardis and took it to some place called the crucible?

The Doctor said we had no choice but to face the Daleks and urged us to get out of the Tardis. Donna stayed behind and got trapped inside the Tardis and then the Daleks throw the Tardis into some fiery pit much to all of our horror. The Doctor is angry but helpless.

It was then the Daleks attention diverted toward me. They scanned me and realized I’m not on their record as the Doctor’s companion which mean they have no need for me to be there. One of the Daleks are about to shot me but Jack shielded me much to my surprise.

Rose and I fussed on Jack and realized he is not breathing. 

I felt grief. He can’t die here. How can he warn about the cyberman in the future if he die now? Did I just mess up this universe?

The Doctor pulled me and Rose away from Jack. He whispered at the distracted me, “He’s fine. He can’t die.”

I glanced up at him in hope.

He nodded at me.

I sighed in relief. I could felt the tingling again and I turned toward the Doctor helplessly. 

He was staring at me and nodded again, apparently understanding that I am about to go. 

I was gone before words can be exchanged.

7777

I dropped on my knees in some room resembled a prison. I glanced around in confusion.

“Didn’t realize I’m getting a roommate now…”

I jumped at the voice. “Who is that?”

A figure moved from the shadow toward the spot that has some light and my jaw dropped in shock when I saw it was the Thirteenth Doctor. She has a longer hair and wearing some hideous uniform.

I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her voice. What is the matter with me?

She glanced at me with nonrecognition which confirmed that she is a new alternate Thirteenth, one that is different from the ones I have met before.

“Hello, there, I am the Doctor.”

I stared at her before replying, “It’s (name).”

“Aah, it’s nice to meet you, (name).” She said with a grin.

“Where are we?” I interrupted her.

She glanced at me. “You don’t know?”

“Is this a prison?” I asked.

“Yes. Stormcage, the most secure prison in the galaxy. Well, almost.” She said with a snicker, laughing at a joke only she know.

“Prison? Why are you in prison?” I asked in confusion.

She hummed. “I have no idea. The Judoon suddenly come and teleport-ed me here, no warning, so unfair.”

I was confused now. “Do you have a plan of escape?”

She frowned at me. “You just arrived and already plotting an escape?”

I frowned back at her. “You didn’t?”

She grinned. “Oh I like you. I do have been plotting. But it seemed ever since River, they have learnt so much.” She said with a sigh.

I frowned again at the mention of the Doctor’s wife.

“But I am still working on it.” She said and she started rambling.

I couldn’t help but smiled fondly at her. I missed my Doctor so much. I started coughing again and I quickly turned away from her and pop a pill. 

She was still busy talking to herself so she didn’t notice what I am doing.

I took a seat on the floor, my back on the wall as I glanced at her. “How long have you been here?”

“Oh, it’s almost six months give or take.” She said.

“Six months?” I asked, concerned. I wanted to ask about the fam but that would require revealing about me and right now, I just didn’t want to do that. 

The Doctor, all alone, in a confined solitary room, of course, she would be talking to herself non-stop and the way she is handling me, it is almost like she think I’m not real. She haven’t even ask why I ended up in prison. I am very worried for her state of mind. But she is the Doctor. She probably has gone worst thing than this. I hope she will be okay.

She mostly ignored me and talked to herself or to the shadow. Sometimes she seemed to talk to hallucination of her past companion as she rattled some names that I do recognize.

I don’t want to leave her alone like this. Perhaps I should tell her about me, give her a mystery to focus on? I only have a few hours with her. I wish I could save her and take her away from this place. I prayed someone rescued her soon.

My prayer is answered when the door opened and Jack Harkness appeared.

“Hah! Did you miss me?” He yelled but frowned when he saw two of us. “Doctor?”

“Captain Jack!” The Doctor yelled and actually hug him. Even Jack is surprised but he hug her back with a wide grin. 

“Doctor, don’t take this the wrong way but you are so small.” Jack said.

The Doctor hit him in the arms. 

I watched their reunion with a smile.

“And who is this?” Jack asked me in a flirty manner after they finished with their reunion.

“Stop it.” She said immediately at Jack. Her eyes widened as she turned to look at me. “Ooh, you are real.” she said.

Wow, she really think I’m a hallucination? I smiled and waved at her.

“I’m (name).” I introduced myself to the both of them.

“Anyway, I’m here to rescue you, doc. We need to go before they realize I am here.” Jack said, ignoring me.

The Doctor nodded and started asking him about how he gets in and how he know she is in here. She seemed to forget me.

I have to admit that kind of hurt but I know it is not his fault or the Doctor’s.

I was surprised when the Doctor suddenly turned toward me, raised a hand toward me and asked me if I want to go with her.

I blinked at her in disbelief but I grabbed her hand as she helped me stand up.

“Which remind me, why are you in prison?” She asked.

I smiled fondly at her. “I really miss you.” I accidentally blurted.

She looked surprised and stared at me. “Do I know…you?”

I smiled solemnly. “In another alternate universe…” I answered, fully aware I’m being vague on purpose.

She opened her mouth to ask some more but the alarm sounded loudly and Jack is yelling at her to leave now.

The Doctor turned toward me with question in her eyes.

I could feel the tingling and stepped back away from her. “Go, Doctor and take care…” I said.

She stared at me in confusion and her eyes widened as I vanished before her eyes.

7777

I landed outside some farmhouse. 

“(name)?”

I saw Twelfth Doctor. He was not alone. He was with a robot? I was shocked when the Doctor called the robot Bill. I know Bill and she is not a robot.

My eyes widened as I recognized the Master, the one I met on Valiant. He was older but it was definitely him. I turned toward the Doctor. “Doctor….?” I was confused about which Twelfth Doctor is he. I have met two version of him after all.

The Master approached us. “Doctor, while you are chatting with the Robo-mop, me and me…have been busy. We found it.” He said. He turned to Bill and changed his voice. “Oh, hello, my dear. My God, you are so boring all those years…” He chuckled cruelly. “But it was worth every day of it for this.” He gestured at Bill’s appearance.

“Bill, don’t let him upset you.” The Doctor said.

I was pissed. This bastard.

“Though didn’t you used to be a woman? I’m going to be a woman fairly soon, any tips? Or maybe…I dunno old bras?” The Master asked mockingly.

I was furious now. If the Doctor is not gonna do anything, I will! Without thinking I pulled the stun gun in my bag, the one Rose gave me and I used it to stun the Master. It was satisfying to see him got electrocuted and fell to the ground jerking. I used it on him once more for good measure.

The Doctor’s jaw dropped open in shock at what I have done. “(name)!”

I snapped at him. “What? You are going to let him speak to Bill like that?” I asked angrily.

“I’m not upset…” Bill said in a robotic voice. She turned to me. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.” I said.

The Doctor stared at Bill. He had no idea how to deal with her, how to begin to comfort her. I felt bad for the both of them.

The Doctor pulled me aside. “What do you think you are doing? The Master is not a forgiving person.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that I won’t be here for long.” I said. “He did that to Bill.”

The Doctor looked ashamed. “I failed her. They turned her into a cyberman.”

I stared at him. So, the robot is a cyberman? I can’t help but think of Jack’s warning for my Doctor about the lone cyberman.

“Why do you even have a stun gun?” He asked.

“Got it from Rose, actually.” I said. “I met her on earth when the sky full of planet?”

He looked nostalgic at the mention of Rose.

“Last time I almost got shot by a dalek and before that, the Master attacked me. I need protection.”

“That stun gun won’t do a thing to a dalek.”

“I know but it worked fine against that jerk.” I said.

The Doctor sighed in resignation. He glanced at me. “I’m sorry, I promise you a cure but…” He sighed again. 

“It’s okay, Doctor. You helped me a lot already. I still have the medicine you gave me.” I said.

He hummed. “I’m glad I could be of help.”

So, he is indeed the first Twelfth Doctor I met, not the other one. I hugged him suddenly. “Thank you.”

He hesitantly hugged back.

I smiled at him as I released him. 

“You shouldn’t stay here. It is not safe.” He said.

“I know. Doctor, I’m sorry about Bill.” I said. I realized the person my Doctor had lost before she met the fam and me must be Bill. My heart saddened for Bill. The short time we met, I know she is a very kind and funny girl. To think she ended up like this….it is so unfair.

I could felt I’m about to splinter again. “Thank you, Doctor, stay safe.” I quickly said.

7777

I landed somewhere I have no idea but I spotted the Tardis a few feet away. I heard commotion. Then I noticed Thirteenth Doctor with the fam. They were all on the ground fussing on someone I couldn’t see. I discreetly moved around to get a better view but still hid myself.

I froze when I realized who it was. It was me. An alternate me…? Or was it a future me…? I hid myself behind a nearby rock.

The other me, she was groaning in pain, the Doctor and the fam are trying to calm her down. She was coughing blood and she was crying. She said she wanted to go home. I froze as her words reminded me of the dark Doctor I met before. She told me I died in her arms, that I kept saying I want to go home. Is that what happening right now? I wondered numbly.

The other me doesn’t seem to register the presence of the Doctor and the fam. She seemed in so much pain as she suddenly started screaming and struggling in the Doctors’ arms. My body felt like turning cold at her chilling screams. 

The Doctor and the fam, they are crying for her, the other me. Then the scream stopped and she stopped moving. Her hand fell limb on the ground. That’s when I saw it. The other me, she has scars on her wrist, shaped like…66 or was it 99? 

I felt sick. I felt like I’m going to throw up. I can’t stay here. I wanted to leave. I stand up as I took a step back away from the scene before me. My eyes still glued on them though. I prayed I could leave and for once I did get my wish. But just as I about to disappeared though my eyes locked eyes with the Doctor. Her mouth dropped open in shock as she saw me but I vanished right before her eyes.

7777

I landed inside the Tardis but the Tardis is poorly lit. I was at the corridors so I tried to find my way to the console room. Luckily I was not far from it.

I saw Eleventh Doctor sitting on a comfy chair, wearing glasses and reading book. He looked sad and grumpy, don’t know why I get that vibe from him. It seemed like he was alone, no companion in sight. I still felt like I am intruding. I wonder if I should just steer clear of him. Of course, I have to suddenly have a bout of coughing right at that moment. I am hesitating to take my med, wondering if he will even welcome me at his state.

The Doctor glanced up and his mouth dropped open when he saw me. He dropped the book and quickly stood up, approaching me hesitantly. “It’s you…”

Oh, he recognized me. But, again, which Eleventh Doctor is he? I already met and interact with two version of him before.

I smiled hesitantly. 

“You’re (name)….” He said. “Rory’s imaginary friend…”

Well, that settle it. He is the one I met with Amy, Rory and River.

“Is that what I’m known for now?” I asked teasingly. “Speaking of, where is he?”

The Doctor looked like someone shot his puppy. “The Ponds are gone.” He finally said.

Oh. This is awkward. I don’t know how I am supposed to comfort him. So, I only lamely said, “I’m sorry.”

He smiled solemnly. “How are you holding up?” He asked.

I blinked at him in confusion before I remembered he did witness my breakdown the last time we met. “I’m okay.” I said. I turned away from him to take a look at the surrounding. “You redecorated the Tardis. Where are we? Or when are we?” I asked, hoping to distract him.

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” He said as he gesture on the Tardis door.

I raised an eyebrow at him and walked toward the door. I opened the door and my jaw dropped open in shock. We…the Tardis is up on the cloud. “What…?” I turned to him in awe. “We are up in the cloud.”

He grinned boyishly.

“Is it safe to walk around out there?” I asked hesitantly.

In answer, the Doctor moved past me and walked outside around the cloud before turning to me and raised a hand toward me.

I hesitantly grabbed his hand and jump onto the cloud. I couldn’t help but giggle. This is awesome. I walked slowly to the edge of the cloud and saw Victorian London? I quickly get away from the edge.

The Doctor is staring at the distant with a solemn look which make me worry for him.

“Are you okay, Doctor?”

“I’m always okay.” He answered immediately. But with that sad look in his eyes, who would believe him?

I stared at him before petulantly said, “Well, I guess we are both okay then.”

His face falls at that. Ugh, I felt like I just kicked a puppy or something.

“Doctor, why are we up on the cloud instead of down there?”

He took a few seconds before replying, “I am taking a break.”

“From the universe?” I asked softly.

He didn’t reply.

I sighed. His sad mood made me feeling down too. “I just saw myself died.” I suddenly said, don’t know why I said that. Wouldn’t this just make the both of us more down? Am I trying to get him to open up by showing him my own pain? But this is the Doctor, a pro at bottling emotion till it chokes them. The Doctor that I know never exactly open up to me or the fam. I sighed, maybe I need him to listen my woes? Gosh, I’m so selfish.

He turned to me in surprise and pity.

I tried to be nonchalant. “Well, it could be an alternate me instead of a future me.” I said.

He glanced down at me but I refused to meet his gaze, choosing instead to stare at the night sky.

We both jumped in surprise when the Tardis phone suddenly rang.

The Doctor seemed wanting to ignore the phone but decided to pick it up as he walked back inside. I followed him in but keep my distance.

“Yes, what? I’m trying to read.” Silence. “Always pointless. What did she says? Well? Well?" 

Whoever on the other side of the conversation seemed to stun the Doctor. He took off his glasses and have a look on his face. He hang up the phone and then turned to me. "Fancy a trip?”

I raised an eyebrow at him before shrugging. “I suppose.”

He smiled with dare I say a little lively than before, his eyes burning in curiosity. 

I pondered what that phone call is all about. It seemed to make his mood a little better.

He glanced down at what I’m wearing. “But, you are going to need change outfit.”

“Oh no. I don’t like Victorian dress. Also, I don’t want to splinter with a dress like that.” I complained.

“Fair point. Go to the Tardis wardrobe. Get yourself some coat to cover yourself.” He said as he gave me the direction to the wardrobe.

I left him to go to the wardrobe. While there, I coughed up again so I took my med, resigning myself to be stuck with this Doctor. Maybe we could help each other. Maybe.

7777

Next thing I know, the Doctor is dressed like Sherlock Holmes and we barged our way into some institute where a mean-looking older man sat in his chamber with a huge tube containing snow. I watched him talk really fast and being actively annoying to that Simeon guy. The Doctor then grabbed me and we left the house after he got the information he need.

He led me down the street of Victorian London and a horse carriage stopped short in front of us. A potato-looking alien is driving the carriage. I stared at him before turning to the Doctor who introduced me to Strax.

In the carriage, the Doctor suddenly spoke up after a long silence, “River and I went to investigate the coordinate you gave us.”

I glanced at him. I almost afraid he’s going to say the coordinate is useless and the scientist doesn’t exist too. 

“We couldn’t find the weapon but we poke around a bit, got some lead and we found out about Project Splinter.” He said.

My eyes widened at that. “Splinter…?”

“Yes, I remembered when we first met, you are in a hurry because you have no idea when next you will splinter…” He said. “The word ‘splinter’ does caught our attention. Where did you get that word from?”

I agonized whether I should tell him about the future dark Doctor that I met but I decided to tell him because he is the smart one out of the two of us. If anyone can make sense anything, it would be him.

The Doctor look troubled after my Revelation. He theorized that maybe that version of Doctor might know something more about project splinter. But it’s not like I can ask her. Also, I kind of not wanting to see that version ever again. She frightened me. Also, maybe I am being a coward about it.

“What is that, project splinter?” I asked curiously.

“Basically…time travel.”

“W-what?”

“The scientists in charge of the project has this…amazing machine and with a few tweak and some calculation, it might have worked.” The Doctor said. “But River and I, we shut it down. We couldn’t find any weapon though.”

“But…so…it’s not a weapon? Against you?”

“Nothing like that. As far as we knew, they don’t even have any idea who I am.”

“So then, the threat just existed on the other alternate universes? With my Doctor?” I asked. My head started hurting with all these information that I can’t even quite comprehend. I’m not a screaming genius like the Doctor. “God, I don’t understand what is going on.” I said with a pitiful groan.

“It will be fine, (name), we will figure it out eventually.” He said. “I will help.”

For a moment, I felt like I would never escape this predicament I am in and I wish to give up again. But hearing him says that and remembering all the other Doctors, I have to force myself to endure it. I have to, right…?

The carriage suddenly stopped. Strax took us to some house with a frozen pond in it to which the Doctor fussed over it immediately using his sonic screwdriver.

He started to mumble by himself and I only caught the last few words. “Pond. Good point, Clara.” He said.

My eyes snapped back at him at the mention of Clara. She is here? From what he said, Clara is not his companion just yet.

Strax distracted the Doctor by offering him a grenade and then they have a funny banter with each other.

I covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing at them.

It was then I saw Clara who stood behind the window on the second floor of the house. She was smiling and waving at the Doctor. The Doctor looked awkward as he returned her wave and all.

“So, that was Clara…” I said.

“You know her?” The Doctor asked.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Right, alternate universes.” He said. “You are kind of a big spoiler, (name).”

“Sorry.” I said with a wince. He is right though. I really need to be more careful. Even in alternate universes, some things the Doctor experienced seemingly remain the same. What would I do if next I meet a Twelfth Doctor and Bill before she became a cyberman? Would I warn them? I pondered about it and I think I would warn them. I’m not trying to be a hero. I just can’t live with myself if I didn’t warn them when I know something bad will happen to them. Screw the timelines and the universes! They are the one who play me like a yo-yo first!

Also technically I’m trying to change the future, my Doctor’s possible future and mine. I don’t want to die like that. 

The Doctor called me out to follow him into the house and we are faced with an ice-sculpture of a woman who kept screaming about bad girl and stuff. The Doctor was able to disable the ice woman and get Clara and her kids to safety.

The Doctor introduced me to Madam Vastra and Jenny as they along with Strax joined us inside the house while outside creepy-looking snowmen appeared from the snow and surrounded the house.

Of course, at that moment, I felt that again, a sign I was about to go. I looked up toward the Doctor who is busy talking really fast at everyone. I tried to warn him but I was gone before I could open my mouth.

7777

I blinked and took a glance around my surrounding. I wasn’t on the Tardis.

“(name)!!” Tenth Doctor called out to me. He grinned at me so happily.

“Doctor…” Crap, which Tenth Doctor is he? I thought to myself. I took in his appearance. He’s wearing his usual suit and trenchcoat but he has a cowboy hat, sunglasses and a flower wreath around his neck.

“It’s good to see you again. Aw, come on here you!” He walked toward me and immediately pulled me into a tight hug.

I smiled hesitantly. “Doctor, the last time we met is…”

“In the bazaar with Donna…” He said.

“Right, Donna, is she okay? I mean, I left her defenseless against that creepy bug…”

His smile faltered. A sad look crossed over his feature. “She was fine. Don’t worry.”

“Then, where is she?”

“She doesn’t travel with me anymore.”

“Ooh. I’m sorry, Doctor. So you are travelling alone right now?”

“Not anymore. I have you now.” He said with a grin but he still looked sad.

“Doctor, you know I can’t stick around.”

“Course you can, just for a few hours like before." 

I glanced up at him and sighed. I shrugged. "What the hell…I deserve more breaks…." 

He grinned. "That’s the spirits… Come on!”

I popped a pill before I followed him. “Where are we?”

The Doctor explained to me in excitement about the planet we are in. He took me sightseeing and I must admit I am having fun with him. 

As I glanced at him, I got the vibe of unbearable sorrow from him. I couldn’t help feeling a great concern for him. He tried too hard to act happy but I could tell he was burdened by something.

A few hours later, I know I would be leaving him soon. So, I had to ask. “Doctor, are you really okay?”

He glanced at me and his mask falls apart. “I’m going to die.”

I stared at him speechless.

“I was told 'he will knock four times’. That was the prophecy. Knock four times, then…” He trailed.

My heart ached for him. He look almost scared. “But…you will regenerate, won’t you?”

“I can still die.” He said. “If I’m killed before regeneration, then I’m dead.”

My mind suddenly flashed to the memory of finding the Thirteenth Doctor’s dead body. But that was because the weapon that can disable regeneration. He will regenerate, won’t he, into the Eleventh Doctor? Or will this particular universe have different outcome?

“Even then, even if I change, it would still feel like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man…” He glanced at me thoughtfully. “…or woman goes sauntering away…” He said with a forlorn look. “And I’m dead.”

I had no idea what to say to that. How am I meant to comfort him? “Doctor…”

He sniffed and then turned away. “Sorry, I’m being a downer right now…”

I grabbed his arm. “Doctor.” I had no idea what to say. “It’s okay to be afraid…” I finally said. “I’m scared too. I just saw my future. I saw myself died in pain…in her arms. And I’m scared.” Oh, hell, what am I saying to him? Why am I being a downer too? I should try to comfort him instead of burdening him with my trouble. But as I said those words, I realized I _am_ terrified of dying, especially since it look like it was really painful.

“(name)…”

I closed my eyes, feeling annoyed with myself. “I’m sorry, I’m no good at this. I want to make you feel better.” I opened my eyes and stared at him. God, why can’t I think of something really good to say to him? I felt like I want to cry in frustration. I wanted to comfort him so badly.

The Doctor smiled at me and said, “It’s okay, (name), you don’t have to say anything…” He put one hand over mine, rubbing my palm.

Without thinking, I pulled him to me and I hugged him tight.

He wrapped his arms around, returning the embrace.

We released each other with soft smile toward each other.

"We will be okay…“ I finally said. I wish I have enough conviction with my words. But at that moment, that is the only thing I can say. 

He didn’t reply. He sniffed again. "Okay, enough of that, tell me what’s been happening to you?”

I stared at him, unsure if talking about me is a good distraction. Eventually, I told him about my last visit to the Eleventh Doctor. To his credit, he didn’t flinch at the mention of his direct alternate regeneration. But he was surprised when I mention about River.

“River? River Song?”

“Yeah.” I confirmed before I groaned. “Damn, did I just spoiler you too somehow?”

“No…it was fine…” He trailed. He has a faraway look again in his eyes. “So, what’s that? Project Splinter, is it?”

I nodded.

“I’m going to check it out on my ends too.” He said.

“Doctor…” I could felt the tingling again. I was reluctant to leave this version of the Doctor. “Don’t be alone, Doctor. Please find someone.” I said. “Take care of yourself.”

“(name)…” He realized that I was about to leave. He looked sad. “You too…”

_A/N2: Oh this is a right mess-up, isn’t it? I don’t know if this is good. I mean I suppose I have some fun writing it but I agonized over whether this will be good enough at least. Gosh, I honestly couldn’t understand what I am writing right now. Project splinter is something I borrowed a fusion from my favorite show 12 monkeys but not a direct crossover. Jennifer Goines is my favorite character in that show, she was awesome. I was hoping to write a primary!reader being the Doctor’s ward someday. Maybe never. I’m kinda fried. I don’t know if I could write for part four or any other story again. I wish to be productive but I’m sad now._

_If you like this story, feedback will be very appreciated, thanks._

_Once again, thank you to those who read all or some of my stories and has leave_ _kudos_ _/comment_ _s_ _. You are all awesome. You made my days bearable._


	4. Going Under Part Four

**Fandom: Doctor Who**

**Pairing: 13th Doctor x Reader**

**Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life** **spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?**

**_Trigger Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, dark!doctor, death, insanity, etc. You have been warned._ **

**_More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this._ **

I fell on my knees as I clutched the sand beneath my fingers. I could feel wind blowing around me. I look around and I saw that I'm currently stranded on some beach?

"(name)?" 

I heard someone called my name from behind me.

"(name)!!"

I turned around and squinted my eyes against the annoying wind. It was Tenth Doctor in a blue suit and he is not alone. He is with Rose. 

"Doctor?" I trailed in confusion.

The Doctor ran toward me with a grin and hugged me tight while I just stood there and hesitantly hugged him back. 

I just left a version of him alone. My heart ached suddenly at the reminder. That Doctor is sad, so very sad and I couldn't do a thing to ease his sorrow.

The Doctor released me, still grinning happily.

Rose didn't say anything but she smiled at me.

I nodded at her. "Thanks for the stun gun?" I blurted out.

She chuckled at that. "Don't mention it."

The fact she know what I'm talking about meant she is the same Rose I met back at the crucible. Which meant this version of Tenth Doctor is from that time too.

"What stun gun?" The Doctor asked. "Why do you even have a stun gun?" He sounded annoyed.

"For protection." Both Rose and I simultaneously answered and we smiled genuinely at each other.

"Stun gun is useless against the Daleks." The Doctor pointed.

"I know. But it worked against the Master." I said.

The Doctor's eyes widened. "The Master? You met the Master?!" He yelled.

Rose is confused. "Who is the Master?"

The Doctor explained who the Master is to her.

My head felt dizzy suddenly I almost lost my balance but the Doctor caught me.

"Are you okay?" He asked in concern.

"Just a bit dizzy. Where are we now?" I asked. "Can we get something to eat first?" I rubbed my stomach as I smiled sheepishly at them. "I'm a bit hungry."

It was Rose who told me where I am. Bad Wolf Bay.

"Where is your Tardis, Doctor?" I asked.

The Doctor rubbed his head with an almost guilt look. "Well, that is...a bit complicated."

I stared at the Doctor in confusion as he explained that he is not exactly the Doctor. He said he is the metacrisis Doctor whatever that's meant. 

My eyes widened when Rose helpfully tell me that the metacrisis grew from the hand in a jar I saw before.

"Like a worm?" I asked with almost disgusted look.

The Metacrisis looked insulted while Rose laughed out loud.

I shivered in cold from the wind. Thankfully they noticed and finally suggested we left the beach.

I stared at the metacrisis who is holding hand with Rose in contemplation.

Usually I always ended up wherever the Doctor is. I suppose this metacrisis version counted as the Doctor.

Rose called her mobile and shortly after a black car appeared. She gestured for me to get in.

It felt kind of awkward as we shared a car. I didn't know what to say to them. But the two lovebirds are too busy staring at each other in silent.

A sudden sharp pain in my head made me gasp out loud and I found myself spiralling like little Alice who fell into unknown hole. It feel like splintering but also...not?

7777

Cold. It was so cold.

I opened my eyes and suddenly fell into a panic state as I found myself submerged under water. I opened my mouth, causing icy water to fill my throat and lung. 

I struggled to surface and coughed harshly when I did. I wiped the water in my face and I saw Thirteenth Doctor rushing toward me, saying some comforting words but for some reason she sounded so far away. There must be waters inside my ears too.

The Doctor is still rambling as she clutched my cheek, sometimes my hair but I still couldn't get what she is saying.

"D-Doctor?" I whispered with chattering teeth. "Where am I?" I made a move to get out of...glass tube? "W-what is this?"

The Doctor prevented me from moving out of the glass tube. She said something to me but I can't understand.

"Doctor, I can't hear you!" I said in frustation.

The Doctor stopped talking and she stared at me in sorrow.

Suddenly she pushes me back by the head back into the icy water.

I was shocked at first before I struggled against her strong grip but it was useless.

From beneath the water, I saw her yelling something at someone I couldn't see. Someone is beside the Doctor and that person is about to inject me with something.

I panicked even more as I screamed under water and everything turned black once more.

7777

I screamed myself awake.

"(name), it is okay! Open your eyes! You are safe!" I heard a voice said urgently.

I opened my eyes slowly to see Tenth Doctor, no, Metacrisis Doctor and Rose. They stared at me in concern.

I took in my surrounding while still trying to calm my breath. I am in some medical room and I am not wet despite being under water just before. I coughed a few times as if getting the air knocked out of me.

Was that a dream? I thought to myself as I touches my neck, remembering how the Thirteenth Doctor pushed me back into the icy water. Was she trying to kill me? Why?

"W-what happened to her? What was that?" Rose asked the Metacrisis Doctor.

I blinked, trying to focus on those two talking. 

The Metacrisis Doctor is staring at me with a look of concern and fear. Fear for me? 

"What?" I asked him.

They told me that I suddenly fainted in the car and that I was in a...state. 

"It was like you got stuck between one place and the next..." The Metacrisis Doctor said with a frown. "...like a blip..."

I grimaced. Well, that one is new. So did I splinter? Unsuccessfully? "But I was here, right?"

"Like I said, to us, it looked like you were stuck...like a blip but yeah, you are mostly here." He said again, frowning as he ponder about it. "Did you go somewhere?"

"I think so. But it feel more like a vision of nightmare rather than being stranded somewhere foreign again..." Oh this is confusing and kind of scary. I groaned. _Great, another unwanted complication._

"Where did you go when you were in that state?" He asked. "Was that the first time it happened or...?"

"I think that was the first time that happened to me...?" I was unsure, remembering that vision of waking up to a frantic Thirteenth Doctor but that time...it didn't feel like splintering. It almost feel unreal so I didn't mention it or even write it in my notebook.

"Were you in pain?" Rose asked in concern. "You look like you did."

"I'm fine...I think?"

"You don't sound sure..." The Metacrisis pointed. 

I didn't speak for a few seconds. "I think the Doctor...I think she just tried to drown me?"

"What?" The Metacrisis yelled loudly making me wince.

"Wait, what? She?!" Rose also exclaimed loudly.

The Metacrisis got distracted by Rose as he sheepishly told her about the future of the Doctor being a Time Lady.

Despite knowing about regeneration, Rose look pretty astonished by the revelation.

The Metacrisis turned his attention back at me and demanded I tell him every detail of my encounter with the alternate Thirteenth Doctor. 

But is she really an alternate version? She seemed to know me. I know there are alternate version of me who is also travelling with the Doctor. I met one before. Could that version of the Doctor mistaken me with her version of myself?

I sighed again. That doesn't make sense either. Why would she tried to drown any version of me? 

The Metacrisis snapped his fingers to get my attention as he urgently asked me for the detail of my experience earlier. "Focus!"

So I told him about waking up in some deep glass tube, of seeing the Thirteenth Doctor and of her trying to drown me and inject me with something.

The Metacrisis frowned as he asked more detail on the glass tube I was in. Sadly, I didn't pay much attention to the glass tube so there is not much detail I can tell him

He thought that the Doctor I met is probably experimenting on me for some reason, presumably to save my life. He was a bit disappointed that I can't give more information.

I decided not to contradict him with the fact that I once met a somewhat insane Thirteenth Doctor. But that version wanted to keep me for herself while the version earlier...

You know what? I need to give her benefit of the doubt and just consider that what Metacrisis said might be true. Maybe she is just trying to save me? I sighed. Here I am in denial.

"Next time, doc, keep in mind to tell someone when you are trying to save them by drowning, say, to save misunderstanding." I said in annoyance.

He grinned sheepishly. "Noted." His cheerful demeanor vanished as he told me to write down everything that happened to me in my notebook.

I nodded obediently. 

I noticed Rose is still staring at the Metacrisis. I think she can't get over the fact that one day the Doctor will switch gender. I understood the feeling but I have accepted it somewhat. 

They gave me some food and a set of new clothes. I drank my medicine and get a rest some more. They gave me some privacy.

My mind keep replaying being under water with the Doctor hovering over me as she pushes me under. I closed my eyes, wishing for that memory to leave me alone.

I stared at my notebook that I just finished writing in with a sigh. I put the notebook on my bag. I could feel the sign that I was about to be pulled away again.

The Metacrisis and Rose are nowhere to be seen so I couldn't say goodbye to them.

7777

I blinked as I found myself in an unfamiliar room but I know I am inside the Tardis. I turned around and yelped when I saw two bodies embracing each other on the bed.

"Oh my God!! Cover everything!!" I yelled as I covered my eyes with my hand. I turned my back from the surprised and frantic couple.

It was definitely Eleventh Doctor and River Song...in bed, having sex. I wish I could bleach my mind.

The Doctor grabbed a pillow to cover his junk while River remained chill despite the unwanted interuption. They both redressed themselves.

"(name), have you ever heard of knocking?" The Doctor glared at me.

I glared back at him. "Like I have any control which place I ended up to!!"

River perked up. "(name)? Your alternate future companion? The one who is crossing all over your timeline in every alternate universe? That (name)?" 

Wow, River's description of me making what happened to me sounded awesome. I mean I supposed it is exciting if not for the fact that I'm dying. 

The Doctor nodded at his wife as River immediately grinned at me, offering a handshake.

"How exciting... Nice to meet you. I'm River but I reckon you know that, don't you?" She said with a friendly smile. "I've been wanting to meet you for a while now."

I felt awkward under her attention as I forced a polite smile. I turned to the Doctor and asked about the last time he saw me.

"It was at the crucible. Remember? Tardis got taken by the Daleks?" The Doctor reminded me.

I nodded. "Yeah, I was actually just at Bad Wolf Bay with your Metacrisis and Rose."

The Doctor look surprised and turned solemn at the mention of those two. "How are they? Do they seem...happy?"

"I think so...?" I trailed in confusion.

He beamed a little. "That's good."

River put a hand on his shoulder in comforting gesture.

They took me out of their bedroom and back into console room as I told them about what happened to me earlier. About Thirteenth Doctor tried to drown me and how the Metacrisis disagreed.

I took my medicine as they asked me to tell them everything that happened to me. They wanted to take some of my blood to conduct their own test. I gave them what they wanted.

Afterward they gave me a room for me to get some rest.

River came to have a chat. It was awkward at first but soon we started talking animatedly about the Doctor. She also asked to read my notebook. I was hesitant at first but...she is the Doctor's wife so...essentially I can trust her, can't I? So I let her read some pages. 

She told me she kept a diary too detailing her encounters with the Doctor. She has a wistful smile as she got to the page with the gallifreyian writings. She can read it but she won't translate it for me.

"Don't worry. They all spoke fondly of you." River said, fingers tracing on the gallifreyian writings.

I sighed at that.

"I must admit I am curious about the female version of the Doctor." River said. " Did she ever mention me?"

I shook my head slowly. I felt bad for River because she looked sad at my answer.

"Honestly, she was very secretive about her past. The fam and I, we didn't know much about her. I only know some stuff about her because of the splintering." I said.

When she noticed my stun gun, River decided to teach me how to use a gun. She started simple with a small gun. 

That's how the Doctor found us in a room for target shooting, apparently a room that the Tardis created just because River asked the ship out loud. 

The Doctor look absolutely disappointed at us and our gun. He pouted much like a child under River's teasing.

I observed them with a fond smile. The smile slide off my face as I felt it was time to go. I voiced my gratitude for their company.

They turned to me with unreadable expression before smiling encouragingly at me.

"Next time you come here, I promise I will get you a simple weapon for your protection." River sweetly said despite her husband's protest.

I laughed at them as I slowly faded away right before their eyes.

7777

I blinked in confusion as I found myself in some random wood. I walked around, hoping to find the Doctor soon. Wonder who will I get this time?

I didn't watch where I was walking and I ended up triggering some trap.

I screamed as I found myself hanging upside down by feet.

Someone must have heard my scream as I could hear many someones coming my way. I could only pray they are friendly, not the kind who want to eat me. Oh gosh, please don't let me meet a cannibal.

I got a headache already thanks to the unwanted position I am in. Thankfully, the universe is kind to me today as a bunch of people came toward me. I recognized Twelfth Doctor and Clara. Clara's red period dress caught my eyes immediately. 

I blinked at them.

"Oh, it's you." The Doctor said flatly.

I would feel insulted by his tone if not for the fact I am hanging upside down. I pitifully pleaded, "Help me get down please..."

One of the men, his name is Robin Hood, Clara supplied, thankfully catches me after he ordered his merry men to free me.

I was too busy trying to balance myself again to appreciate the fact I'm actually meeting a Robin Hood. 

I sat on a fallen branch as the Doctor stared me down. Clara sat beside me and engaged me with friendly conversation. But I was a bit dizzy to keep up. Thanks to her being chatty, I found out that this version of Doctor and Clara are the one I met when they were imprisoned alongside the Doctor's other past faces and companion.

I finally looked up toward the Doctor. He was staring at me in calculation. I sighed. "Don't worry, I won't demand a cure from you. Judging from how you look at me, you didn't expect me to come back again, did you?"

The Doctor look almost ashamed but didn't say anything.

Clara watched over the both of us in curiosity.

"Honestly, I'm beginning to think a cure for my current state is impossible." I said softly.

"Don't be absurd. I just haven't figure it out yet. It does not meant I give up or that there is no cure." The Doctor said. "Do you still have your medicine?"

I pulled out my pill bottles. There are only a few pill left. 

"Thought so. I have a backup for you somewhere back in the Tardis." He said.

"You actually make the medicine for me just in case?" I asked, feeling a bit surprised. He sounded like he was annoyed when he first saw me.

"I did promise you a cure, didn't I? Though I have to disappoint you as the cure is just a temporary measure." He said.

I smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you, Doctor."

We are interrupted by Robin and his men, something about an archery tournament launched by Sheriff of Nottingham.

I noticed Clara is flirting with Robin with ease while the Doctor is grumpy and overall rude toward Robin. 

Clara and I exchanged amused glance as we both watched the Doctor challenge Robin with archery, trying to one up one another. They are definitely trying to impress Clara, I think.

Everyone cheered every-time those two releases their arrows.

Predictably thing turned into trouble when we found out the soldiers employed by the evil sheriff are robots.

I exhaled loudly in annoyance as I ended up in a dark prison with Doctor, Clara and Robin. The Doctor really is a magnet for trouble, isn't he?

Clara and I exchanged annoyed look as the Doctor and Robin won't stop yapping at each other.

Eventually Clara was taken away as they thought she is our leader after she lost her patience and snapped at both Doctor and Robin. I am impressed with her. 

Though I felt kinda insulted that they only take Clara. Was it because I don't look like a noble lady like her? But then again I'm not the sort who take charge. I wouldn't know what to do if I am in her position.

I was shook out from my musing when the Doctor and Robin yelled loudly again at each other. It was amusing at first but this gets really annoying fast. For once I wish to splinter as soon as possible just so I could get away from their stupidly grating voices.

I glared at them but they don't notice me. I sighed as I stared at the cuff around my wrists. I hope I won't end up splintering taking the cuff with me. That would be awkward.

After a few minutes of them yelling and mocking each other, I yelled at them to calm the fuck down.

I glared at the Doctor. "Stop being jealous of him and start using that brilliant mind of yours to get us out of this mess." I said.

The Doctor glared back at me with a scoff. "Jealous? Of him? Hah!"

Robin, in turn, scoffed at the Doctor, exchanging annoying 'hah!' at each other repeatedly.

I rolled my eyes. I felt a headache already. I glanced at my bag. When I was taken, they took a look inside but deemed it worthless and tossed it on the ground nearby. I really hope the Doctor stopped being childish already and work on our freedom. It would really be troubling if I splinter without my notebook and medicine. Also I wonder if Clara will be okay.

I watched in annoyance as the Doctor and Robin acted stupidly which ended up with the key to our freedom far from our reach. I groaned. This is going to take a while.

Eventually they did finally able to release themselves and worked to release me. Unfortunately, they still can't get along even for one common goal, rescuing Clara.

I picked up my bag as I held back from rolling my eyes as those two started to bicker, practically ignoring me. It was at that moment that I felt the tingling.

I hitched a breath and turned toward the Doctor. But he was too busy yelling at Robin to notice. When he did finally noticed, I was already fading away. Last thing I heard is Robin demanding what is happening to me.

7777

I felt dizzy as I arrived on...wherever I am this time. I found myself standing in some sort of a deserted land? But I didn't see anyone. I took a walk tentatively. Then I saw figures coming my way. I squinted my eyes to see and my eyes widened when I saw the Doctor and Ryan. There is an old man with them.

The Doctor and Ryan called my name in disbelief and confusion. They recognized me. I wondered if I am home but knowing my luck, that probably not the case. But they recognized me so I have to assume they were the set that I met much earlier, an universe where I never travelled with them. I sighed at that. It is such a sore subject for me. I can't imagine not knowing the Doctor and the fam.

The Doctor scanned me with her sonic screwdriver and once she is done, she smiled. "It's good to see you again, (name). Wish it is on a better situation."

I smiled at her and Ryan. I have to swallow my bitterness upon confirming they are not my original friends. "What is going on?"

The Doctor glanced at me sadly. "Cybermen."

The smile slide off my face immediately. "The lone cyberman?"

"Now, it is an army." Ryan replied.

"Where are Yaz and Graham?" I asked in worry.

"We got separated from them." Ryan said.

I turned toward the Doctor who remained silent. We exchanged a look. I was reminded the last time I saw her, how I warned her about a version of herself who went insane after losing her companion.

"I won't let that happen." The Doctor suddenly said.

I prayed that she can keep her promise. They might not be my original set but they are still a version of the same sort of people that I care about. I don't think I could deal if I saw one of them die here right before my eyes. Last time was hard enough, watching a version of the Doctor died with me being completely helpless, to the point I lost my marble. 

I swallowed down a fearful sob as I took a very deep breathe to calm myself. A part of me wanted to stay and help but another part of me just wanted to fade away from here. I am such a coward.

The Doctor fussing about some communication equipment nearby when suddenly a static noise and we heard Yaz's voice.

Ryan and I quickly come closer to the Doctor so we could better hear what Yaz said until I realized she was saying goodbye. They were trapped in a cybermen spaceship with the army on the way of either killing or converting them. A flashback of the sweet Bill Pott turned into a cyberman flashed my mind.

I observed the Doctor's face. She flinched at what Yaz said. The despair in her eyes as she realized she is helpless, unable to save Yaz and Graham. I feared that she would snap into that version of the dark doctor I saw before.

I tried to focus on what Yaz is saying and froze when I heard her confess to the Doctor. Yaz is in love with the Doctor!! My mouth dropped open in shock. 

In hindsight, I shouldn't be surprise at all. The Doctor is such a person, so wonderful, I don't know how to describe it. I never thought I like woman until I met her. But maybe it is because she is the Doctor that I fell for her. I wonder if I meet earlier incarnation of her instead of her, would I also end up catching feeling for them? I admitted I kind of have soft spot for all the alternate previous incarnation of the Doctors I met so far.

I watched the Doctor as she clutched the device close to her lips, hearing her muttering Yaz's name solemnly. The Doctor closed her eyes as if in pain. My heart goes for Yaz and the Doctor. Though now that I knew, I can't help but wonder if my Yaz also has feeling for the Doctor. She never said anything to me. I wonder if the Doctor...

Gosh, noo! Oh, no! I hit myself on my head immediately, feeling stupid for having a love crisis when Yaz and Graham are in danger! Priority, Me, priority!! 

I bit my lips hard as I focused on the Doctor. I felt the tingling right at that moment. 

No! I can't leave right now! I have to help them somehow anyhow or...I have to know what will happen next in order to prevent my original friends from suffering the same fate. I sounded so selfish I realized but what am I supposed to do? I want to go home to them, to that version who know and love me as much as I love them.

I didn't call out to the Doctor. I didn't want to ruin Yaz's possibly last moment with the Doctor. As I fade away, I can only pray that they will survive whatever ordeal coming their way. 

7777

I landed on my knees on the floor and I coughed up blood. I quickly popped up on my medicine, wiping the blood using some napkin I saw before taking a look at my surrounding. I was in a room, a bedroom and on the bed, the Tenth Doctor in pajamas sleeping. My mouth dropped open in confusion. I noticed he look pale. I stepped toward him when the door opened and Rose entered the room. Upon seeing me, she started yelling at me.

"Who the hell are you? How did you get here?" Rose demanded. "Stay away from him!"

Wow, she is so intense.

An older woman entered the room bearing a fruit knife and upon seeing me, waved her knife threateningly at me after hearing Rose yelling at me. A young man also entered the room bearing a frying pan.

What a welcome.

I raised my hands up in placating gesture and then I blurted something stupid, "I come in peace!"

Rose and the others stared at me stupidly before they started talking at the same time. I think the man accused me of being an alien.

"Would you please be quiet so I can explain?" I finally snapped.

They did.

I figured I shouldn't say anything complicated so I told them I am from the future and a friend of the Doctor. I also said I knew Rose in the future, well, a version of her, but like I said, just keep it simple.

Rose didn't believe me at first. She told me to move out of the room as not to bother the Doctor. She let it slip that the Doctor has just changed his face. 

I braced myself as Rose then started to interrogate me about some stuff regarding the Doctor and the Tardis. I think I passed the quiz as she finally relents. 

I thank my lucky star that she didn't press my knowledge of Rose herself. I only met her a few times and I didn't know much about her aside that she is a bad-ass with weapon and is in love with the Doctor. 

Is it a common occurrence, I wonder, for the companion to catch feeling for the Doctor? Rose, River, Clara, Yaz and myself, so far that I observed. But obviously River is the one most special since the Doctor married her. From what I have seen of River, she is amazing woman. 

Rose introduced me to Jackie, her mother and Mickey, her best friend.

Both Jackie and Mickey tried to ask me about future events. It was then Rose suddenly noticed the Christmas tree in the room and asked her mother about it.

I stared blankly at the tree when it started to whirl around mechanically. My mouth dropped open when the tree started flying toward us just as Rose screamed for everyone to run or take covers as the tree hurling sharp ornaments at us. Mickey grabbed my hand and pulled me along. 

I can't believe a Christmas tree just attacked us. Seriously life with the Doctor in it is so weird but fascinating, never a dull moment.

We ended up inside the room where the Doctor is sleeping. Trapped and helpless, I saw Rose climbed up the bed and whispered in the Doctor's ear. Suddenly the Doctor woke up and immediately use his sonic screwdriver toward the tree. He ran outside the room toward the balcony and the others followed.

I saw creepy figures in Santa Claus clothing stared at us from below. I didn't hear what the Doctor said but I was worried when he suddenly grabbed his chest as if having a heart attack with Jackie hovering and asked him what he need, even going as listing everything she thought he might need much to my amusement.

I accidentally laughed when the annoyed Doctor shouted at Jackie that he need her to shut up. Everyone stared at me much to my embarrassment. I muttered a small sorry at Jackie.

"Who are you?" The Doctor asked. "you are new."

Rose glared at me. "She said she is a friend of yours. Did you lie?"

"Really?" The Doctor turned to look at me. "Are we?"

"I did not lie. He just don't know me yet." I said.

"A-ah." The Doctor suddenly nodded as if he understand. "Sometimes I did met someone in a wrong order. Hello, there, I'm the Doctor. Who might you be?"

I shrugged. "I am called (name)."

The Doctor grinned at me clutching my hand on his, shaking it rather hard. He released me with a groan as he clutched his chest again. When he exhaled, a sort of yellowish energy flew out of his mouth.

"What is that?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it. It is just some regeneration energy." He waved it off as if it is not a big deal.

At the mention of regeneration, my eyes widened. I only get a glimpse of a regeneration energy once when a version of Tenth Doctor transferred the energy into his spare hand. I hope I would never saw it in my Doctor. My wish for her to remain as she is.

"Aah, you woke me up too soon. I am not finished yet." He said, pale and sweaty and then he fainted.

With the Doctor is out of commission, things went downhill pretty soon with a broadcast from an alien race that somehow able to control the mind half of the population into walking on the edge. Next thing I know, Rose and the rest of us suddenly met up with Harriet Jones to deal with the alien.

Much to my horror, I realized I couldn't understand what the alien is speaking. Rose said the Tardis must have some malfunction of some sort or maybe the ship is connected to the Doctor. That never happened before with my Doctor and the fam. I dreaded meeting alien with language barrier, bound to cause misunderstanding. Although these alien race seemed wanting to invade the earth for some reason, I wonder if we could reason with them without the Doctor.

Rose tried her best though much to my admiration, she took charge. I don't know what I would do if I'm in her position. I prayed the Doctor feel better soon so he can help us with this crisis. I grimaced, feeling useless and I have a few hours to kill before the next splinter. I hope I could be of help somehow.

I accompanied Rose, Harriet and a bunch of her people to face the alien. Part of me thought everything will be alright because I met a version of Rose far back in the future, which meant that Rose probably survived these event, which meant the Doctor definitely will come through for us. And I was right. The Doctor did come through, still in his pajamas, with a smug look on his face as he started talking fast at everyone.

"I want to be ginger. I never get to be ginger." The Doctor complained.

Next thing I know the Doctor challenged the alien leader into a duel. He even lost a hand. I gasped as I covered my mouth. The metacrisis! I chuckled as the puzzle started to fit. My mouth dropped open as I saw the Doctor grew another hand. I meant I know he will do that since the version of him that I met didn't walking around with one hand.

"Like a worm..." I whispered to myself.

Rose gaped as she stared at me and then she covered the giggle that burst out of her mouth. But soon she started laughing.

I chuckled and soon followed laughing especially when the Doctor walked toward us, asking us what is so funny. We just kept laughing.

As the Doctor give his oncoming storm warning at the alien, they retreated. He took us back with his Tardis. The Doctor is pissed at Harriet for obliterating the retreating alien but she stood tall, believing she did the right thing. The dark look that crossed the Doctor's feature made my heart clenched in fear. But this is the Doctor. He would not do anything to punish her, would he? All he did is whisper something to Harriet's assistant and then walked away, ignoring Harriet attempt to plead her case.

I frowned as I watched Harriet and then the Doctor's retreating figure.

"(name), come along." The Doctor called out. He turned to Rose to tell her to get inside her house and that he need to change his clothing. They shared a flirty smile at each other before parting. He turned toward me, looking way too serious which make me very, very nervous. He gestured for me to come on board his Tardis. He made me wait in the console room while he went to the wardrobe room to change.

"What do you think?" The Doctor, now in a proper suit, asked me. He was grinning in almost flirty manner.

"It's very you." I answered flatly, trying to cover my nervousness of being alone with him.

"Ah, right, you are from the future, so you must have already seen me in this suit." He said as he put his hands on his pockets and walked toward me with a stern look. "Care to explain why you are here?"

"You didn't trust me." I know I can't expect the Doctor, any alternate version of him, to immediately put their trust in me but damn, I hate having to try to convince the Doctor again and again. Luckily, so far, I haven't met a version of Doctor that outright reject or dismiss me.

He shrugged. "I don't know you." He said.

I sighed. I pulled my notebook from my bag. I haven't updated my record yet, I really should do that soon. I flipped some pages.

The Doctor stared at my notebook curiously.

I showed him a page written by a version of Tenth Doctor. "Here." I gave the notebook to him. "This should at least clarify." The Tenth Doctor that I met wrote in my notebook said it will help the other Doctor to help me.

The Doctor read the writing on the page but he look confused. "What is this?"

"It is your handwriting..." I said with a touch of 'duh' on my tone.

The Doctor sheepishly scratched his head. "Yeaah," He drawled. "I haven't done any writing yet, brand new hands, you see..."

I gaped at him. Suddenly I felt stupid, he is right after all. I pulled to the next page. "But I'm sure you recognize this language." I said to him.

And he did. A sombre look passed his feature upon seeing the Gallifreyan writings on the page.

"How did you get this?" He asked suddenly looking almost angry.

His harsh tone took me aback. I gulped. "You are the one who wrote that..." I said almost defensively. "Well, technically an alternate version of you."

He glanced at the notebook and then at me and then back to the notebook. He flipped some pages. "Alternate universe? You?" He asked. He pulled his sonic screwdriver to scan me. While he is waiting for the result, he flipped on some pages again.

I glared at him and the sonic. I grabbed the notebook from him, almost in petulant. "Some of that is private, okay?" I put the notebook back on my bag.

He took a glance at his sonic and his mouth dropped open. "You are telling the truth..." He glanced at me with a look of pity. "...and you are dying..."

I exhaled at that. "Thankfully I'm still alive and kicking thanks to medicine your alternate future self give me, but I'm about to run out. The last Doctor said he has the back up but we got into trouble and then I splintered before he could give me the back up medicine."

"That does sound like me...getting into trouble..." He pondered thoughtfully and then grinned boyishly at me. "Oh, well, it is nice to meet you, (name)."

I tried to smile but it is more like a grimace.

"Now, about the medicine... I think I spot a page about the formula of some kind."

"Ah yes, he does wrote it in my notebook." I said as I pulled back out my notebook, flipping on the page of the formula written by a version of Twelfth Doctor. I showed the page to him. He took the book from me and scanned it using the Tardis. "What are you doing?"

He smirked at me. "Making you your backup medicine. The Tardis will help me find the key ingredient for the formula."

I watched him moving in circle surrounding the console, pushing some button on it.

"My alternate-self seemed to trust you so I don't see any reason not to help you." He said, without looking at me.

"Gee, thanks." I said sarcastically.

He grinned. "I assume you took one when you arrived in this universe?"

I shrugged. "Kinda have to considering..."

"considering...what?"

"Well sometimes I cough up blood. He said, the Doctor I met before, he said to take one."

The smile slide off his face as he is looking at me solemnly, pity in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

I shrugged. "It is fine. I'm getting used to it. So, the medicine, how long will it take to finish?"

He glanced at me. "We could join Rose and her family for dinner. It should be finish afterward. Join us?"

"I don't want to intrude."

"Nonsense, come along, (name)." He said with a grin as he grabbed my hand and pulled me outside the Tardis.

"Oi, hurry it up, will you two!" Rose called out.

A bright, adoring smile crossed the Doctor's feature upon seeing Rose. "Coming..."

I relented and joined the Doctor and Rose. Thankfully, Rose is friendly enough with me. But I kind of feeling like a third wheel around them...again.

I smiled as I observed the Doctor, Rose and her family. They seemed to having much fun. After we finished dinner, we got out and saw it started snowing much to everyone excitement until the Doctor ruined it by saying it is a remnant of the exploding ship of the alien earlier.

I glanced at the obvious couple as they stared and pointed at the night sky. That's when I felt the tingling. Realizing I was about to be taken away, I called out to him.

"Doctor, thank you for having me. But it looked like I couldn't get the medicine again. Hold on it for me, will you? We might see each other again..." I said with almost a sad smile.

The Doctor and Rose frowned at me in confusion. Their eyes widened as I slowly started to fade away.

7777

I landed somewhere and immediately feeling like the ground beneath me collapsed. I fell on my knees, clutching my head and groaning. "Ooww..."

"Are you alright?"

I blinked and opened my eyes to see a red-haired little girl staring at me curiously. I took a glance at the surrounding, I was at the backyard in some random house. "Where is here?"

"Leadworth." The little girl answered almost in annoyance directed at the said place.

"Leadworth?" I repeated. Then I finally noticed the Tardis next to a shattered shed. "Doctor?" I called out. "Doctor!"

"You know that weird man?" The little girl asked.

"You saw the Doctor?" I asked as I turned to question the girl.

Suddenly the Doctor come out from the house, calling out my name in excitement. "(name), you are here!"

I blinked as I saw Eleventh Doctor in a messy, torn suit. "Doctor?" I pondered about which Eleventh Doctor is he when he went to hug me tight.

"I'm so glad to see you again." He whispered at me.

I hesitantly hugged him back. "Me too."

He released me and he suddenly sniffed me. "You smell weird."

"W-what?" I asked in horror and offended.

He suddenly licked my cheek.

"Eww." The girl and I exclaimed at the same time.

"What the hell, Doctor? You can't just go around licking people!" I yelled, wiping my cheek with my clothes.

"You smell...You smell like me...like a regeneration. Have you been with a version of me that has just regenerating?" He asked.

My eyes widened at that. "Err, yeah, actually." I remembered the Tenth Doctor from before, with that weird yellow regeneration energy thing, it does get caught on my face. "You can smell that?" I asked. I glanced at him, really taking him in. "You...you also have just regenerated?"

He smiled almost solemnly.

"Doctor." I called out. "The last time we met is..."

"Thank you for comforting me that time, (name)."

My heart clenched in sorrow suddenly upon remembering that version of Tenth Doctor, the one so clouded with sorrow and burdened by the prophecy of his death. He finally regenerated into his eleventh self after all. I am sad that I won't see him ever again despite knowing they are still the same person in all the things that matter.

"I am so glad that you survived. You make it sounded like you will not." I said softly.

"Yeaah, sorry about that, mind is a bit messy last time."

The little girl coughed up to catches our attention.

The Doctor is beaming as he introduced me to the girl, Amelia Pond. I recognized the name and I stared at the little girl in wonder. 

Amelia grabbed the Doctor's hand asking about some crack in the wall.

We ended up in Amelia's room, observing the crack in the wall. A faint voice calling out a prisoner zero can be heard through the crack.

The Doctor observed the crack carefully, sonicking it. At that moment, I felt the tingling again.

"Doctor..." I called out. But he ignored me, staring at the opened crack and some eye thing that he said to be the warden of some alien prison.

I turned to Amelia who is staring at me curiously. "Amy, I have to go. Stick with him, okay? He can fix the crack. Be safe."

"Are you leaving?" Amelia asked looking almost disappointed.

"I have no choice. But I'm sure we will see each other again." I said as I faded away.

The Doctor turned to me at that exact moment. He looked like a kicked puppy upon seeing my fading self.

I wanted to say something, anything but it was too late.

**A/N: And...I'm stuck. Sorry that it took so long to update. Hope this will still be a good read.**


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